


Only Waiting for Us to Discover It

by TonySawicki



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awkward Sexual Situations, Blow Jobs, Consensual Somnophilia, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dirty Talk, Dreams, Exploration, Fantasizing, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Insecurity, It's Soft, Love, M/M, Making Love, Masturbation, Neck Kissing, New Relationship, Phone Sex, Porn with Feelings, Sex Toys, Sexting, Smut, Switching, Teaching and Learning, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:00:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22844440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonySawicki/pseuds/TonySawicki
Summary: Somehow Kyo wasn’t prepared for the reality of dating Die.He had spent so long fussing over what it would mean for them, for the band, after so many years of knowing each other in such a different context, that the mundane sweetness of the actual relationship had Kyo completely thrown for a loop.Add to that the new territory that was the sexual component, and Kyo really had a lot to learn.
Relationships: Die/Kyo (Dir en grey)
Comments: 57
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really sappy, fairly kinky batch of nonsense, probably in the range of 8-10 chapters (not sure yet). It's mostly smut? But with several feelings.   
> I had been going to start posting another AU but I think it's not quite ready yet, so we'll have to get to that a little later, but that's why it's later than my usual update day. Second chapter might be late, too, but I'll try to get back on schedule next week.  
> Love all xoxo

Somehow Kyo wasn’t prepared for the reality of dating Die.

He had spent so long fussing over what it would mean for them, for the band, after so many years of knowing each other in such a different context, that the mundane _sweetness_ of the actual relationship had Kyo completely thrown for a loop.

He was getting texts from Die every day.

Maybe that shouldn’t have seemed noteworthy at all, but he and Die had never really texted much before, and now he was getting messages every morning and every night, just saying _hi_ , or wishing him sweet dreams, and Kyo never knew how to respond. Some part of him wanted to recoil, to push that kind of blatant affection far away from himself. He hadn’t earned it, he didn’t deserve it, and he didn’t _want_ it.

Except—Except he kind of _did_ want it.

Loath as he was to admit it, those simple “ _Good morning, hope your day is starting off well!_ ” texts made Kyo smile, made his heart do a weird little jump, and even though he felt embarrassed when he didn’t have something clever to say back, he found himself looking forward to getting those messages.

It was a small thing, but it made him feel… cherished. Made him feel wanted. And much as he hadn’t been expecting something like that, he didn’t want to even think about giving it up once he had it.

That wasn’t the only thing about Die that was unexpected, either. For some reason, he had thought that Die would be quick to want a largely physical relationship, but almost a full month in he’d never pushed anything at all. They’d hardly had much time alone together, but even when they had, the furthest anything had gone was some heated kissing on Die’s sofa.

And that had been extremely enjoyable, but nothing had progressed past that.

Kyo figured it must just be that Die could sense his nervousness.

Not that Kyo was generally the type to be nervous about his sexuality, but the fact was that he didn’t have exactly the same _experience_ that Die did. It was just kind of unfamiliar territory.

"Did you always know you were gay?” Kyo asked one day, sitting on Die’s bed.

Die’s hands stilled on the guitar he’d been fiddling around on. “Always? Nah.”

Kyo leaned back on his hands. “When?”

“Hmm.” Die rested his chin on the guitar thoughtfully. “I guess I figured it out in junior high. There was this time my best guy friend was gonna come spend the night at my house, and I was way more excited and nervous than I should have been. I hadn’t really realized before then that I had a huge crush on him, but having him over, showing him my bedroom, sitting curled up close to him while we watched some horror movie at two in the morning…” He chuckled. “It was different from how I felt about just my friends.”

“What happened?”

“With him?” Die shrugged. “Nothing. I never told him how I felt. We stayed friends through junior high, and I tried to will away my gayness. Didn’t end up really accepting it until I was in my twenties.”

That struck Kyo as rather sad, but he could understand it.

“What about you?” Die said, and set his guitar in its stand off to the side. “I mean, I know I’m the first guy you’ve dated, but were there any you were interested in before me?” He came to the bed and sat down so his knee was just barely touching Kyo’s.

“You aren’t the first guy I’ve dated,” Kyo said.

Die raised his eyebrows, surprised. “I’m not?”

“No,” Kyo said. “I did date another guy, about… almost ten years ago now. Just for maybe six months. It didn’t work out. I think I was kinda too much for him.”

“So that was when you first thought about a guy like that?”

“It was the first time I _dated_ a guy,” Kyo said. “I first found out I wasn’t straight when I was around sixteen.” His mouth moved to one side of his face. “I just hadn’t thought about it before then. There had been girls I liked and I hadn’t looked past that, but once I was getting into the music scene I figured out there were definitely guys who interested me, too.”

“No real encounters, though?”

“I was too scared,” Kyo admitted. “Back just starting out, everything was so delicate. It’s not like I minded dating girls.” He relaxed back against the bed, pillowed his head on his hands. “Sho was the first guy who it really felt worth the risk to try and date.”

“I see.” Die shifted to lie down next to him. “I have a small confession, then.”

“Hm?”

“I’m almost a little disappointed to not be your first,” Die said. “Not in any real kind of way, but just, like…” He gave an embarrassed cough, and said, “It had been kind of exciting to think I’d be, you know, the first cock you ever sucked…”

The words shot straight to Kyo’s groin and he squirmed before looking over at Die. “You will be.”

Skeptical, Die said, “You _never_ sucked your ex’s cock, in six months together?”

Kyo shrugged awkwardly. “He didn’t have one.”

Die blinked.

“He was trans,” Kyo said.

“Ohh.” Die turned onto his back again, looking up at the ceiling. After a minute, he asked, “So you really haven’t ever…?”

“Nope,” Kyo said. He could feel his cheeks burning and was sort of relieved that Die wasn’t looking at him. Was this really something Die thought about? Kyo on his knees for him?

“You know we don’t have to do stuff like that,” Die said.

“No, I want to! Or—I will want to,” Kyo said. The truth was, even now the thought had heat pooling low in his belly, but it made him nervous at the same time, like some blushing virgin, and he wasn’t quite ready to go there yet. “At some point.”

Die looked over, smiled at him. “Take all the time you need. I don’t mind waiting for you.”

And even though Kyo had already known that Die wouldn’t pressure him or rush them into things, hearing him say it was incredibly reassuring. He pushed himself up enough to lean over and kiss Die, slowly but deeply, his lips warm and soft against his own. He didn’t gasp at the feeling of Die’s tongue slipping into his mouth, just leaned in for more, until he was sucking on Die’s tongue, his mind flashing back to Die’s earlier words, to the act he was basically imitating, and he moaned quietly.

Die’s hand was on his waist, just holding, squeezing lightly.

Kyo pulled back, looked at Die’s face. His lips were parted, his breathing a bit heavier than usual, and he was so gorgeous Kyo couldn’t help but think he wanted more. He didn’t know what he’d be comfortable with, but he didn’t think he’d be satisfied with just kissing for a while and then going on his way.

Die leaned up to kiss Kyo’s jaw, small lingering presses of his lips, all the way to Kyo’s ear where he nipped at the lobe.

Kyo sighed, mumbled, “Want you…” and dove in to claim Die’s mouth again, kissing him harder, barely stopping himself from climbing on top of him, then slowing down, kissing him sweetly, easing himself back.

He stayed close for a minute, breathing Die’s air before pulling away, leaning on one elbow so he could still face him.

Die’s eyes were still closed, and he let out a frustrated little noise, followed by a laugh. “Dammit. Every time.”

“Every time what?” Kyo asked, letting his free hand rest on Die’s chest.

Die didn’t open his eyes as he took Kyo’s hand and gently guided it down to cover the prominent bulge in his pants. “Every time I kiss you.”

“ _Oh_.” Kyo’s breath caught as he felt how hard and hot Die was under his hand. Sure, the move seemed a little teenager-y, but it was very effective. Kyo had never had his hand on another man’s erection like that, and he could feel his heart pounding frantically. “Every time?” he repeated. He left his hand where Die had placed it, but didn’t apply any further pressure either.

Die sighed. “Yep.” He opened his eyes to look at Kyo. “Why? I don’t have the same effect on you?”

“You… make me feel a lot of things,” Kyo said. It was strange to have his words so utterly fail him, but how could Kyo describe the way in which Die affected him? It was something so visceral and deeply felt. Kyo _wanted_ with Die in a way he hardly understood, wanted things he’d never considered wanting before.

Like right now, with Die warm and insistent against his palm. Kyo couldn’t resist giving him a little squeeze.

Die inhaled, his lips parting, and Kyo felt addicted to his reactions, needed _more._

“Does it feel good?” Kyo whispered.

Die nodded. “But—We don’t have to—”

“Shh,” Kyo cut him off. It made him nervous to touch Die this way, to feel him _throb_ in his hand, but he was perfectly capable of setting his own boundaries. “Do you want me to touch you?”

It was embarrassing, how Die made him feel like he was a teenager all over again. Sex had never been something Kyo was shy about, but the newness of it got to him more than he’d anticipated, and he was holding his breath as he awaited Die’s answer.

Die’s eyes were so _dark_ as he looked at him. “I—I really do. As much as—you want to.”

Kyo forced himself to nod. “I won’t do anything that makes me uncomfortable.” He pushed himself to sit up so that he could use both hands to unfasten Die’s pants. His hands weren’t shaking, so that was a relief, but the way Die watched his every movement had Kyo totally on-edge.

He slid his hand into Die’s pants, rubbed over the length of him through his boxers, and gasped when he got to the tip, felt where the fabric was wet with Die’s pre-cum.

It was slippery against his fingers, evidence of Die’s arousal, and Kyo bit his lip as he traced his thumb around the outline of Die’s head.

_Fuck, that’s hot_ , he thought as his fingers came away from the spot wet.

Getting Die’s boxers out of the way wasn’t really as big a deal as he’d imagined it. It was a bit strange, seeing Die like that, so exposed, but his bare cock in Kyo’s hand didn’t feel all that different from Kyo’s own.

Okay, maybe that wasn’t true, because Kyo’s own cock in his hand had never made him feel like…

Fuck, but Die was perfect. He was _made_ to fit against Kyo’s palm, so hot and velvety smooth, subtle veins that Kyo’s fingers could skate over and map out.

Throughout Kyo’s explorations, Die kept making a plethora of soft, broken sounds. His fists clutched at the bed covers, and his hips twisted a bit, but he never begged Kyo for more, and really his patience was admirable.

Kyo wanted to say something, to reassure him, or to work him up more, but he had no clue where to start. All his brain power was taken up watching his hand on Die’s dick, studying Die’s face for his reactions. He didn’t like it exactly the way Kyo touched himself. His breath hitched when Kyo swiped his thumb across the head; he keened when Kyo squeezed just below the glans. While Kyo preferred a firm, unforgiving grip, Die seemed to like something a little looser, with a twist of Kyo’s wrist on intermittent strokes.

Pre-cum continued to pulse out of him, and every time it did, Kyo had to touch it, smear it around, feel it coating his fingertips. He wanted to taste it, but he couldn’t stop touching Die long enough to bring his fingers to his mouth.

After a while, Die moved one hand to help. He played with his balls while Kyo went on stroking him, and Kyo tried not to take it personally, and to remind himself that Die knew what he needed better than Kyo did. It was information worth gathering for the future.

Kyo couldn’t recall the last time he’d felt like this, so excited about the pleasure he was bringing his partner, so eager to see what happened next. He could tell Die was getting close, and he didn’t want to miss a second of it.

Then suddenly, Die’s free hand caught Kyo’s wrist, and Kyo started, thinking he was doing something wrong.

“ _Don’t stop_ ,” Die gasped. His brow was furrowed, almost like he was in pain and his hips were moving in time with Kyo’s hand. “Oh—oh god.”

No more words left him as he bucked upand came, his hand never leaving Kyo’s wrist.

Kyo watched in awe as Die’s cum erupted out of him, rained down on his shirt and dripped down the length of his cock. He’d done that. He’d brought Die to that height, and gotten to witness the glorious results.

He spent too long staring, thinking about how that cum would taste on his tongue, and before he could make any real comment about it, Die was cleaning himself up with tissues from the nightstand, holding Kyo’s hand steady so he could wipe up the cum that had spilled over his fingers, too.

“Sorry about that,” Die said, looking bashful. “I should probably have given you more warning…”

Kyo really couldn’t imagine what complaint Die could think he had with what had just happened. “Don’t apologize.”

“I guess,” Die said, “I’m not really clear on how… on what your boundaries are, or what you’re okay with.”

“Hmm.” Kyo let himself flop back on the bed. “Guess I’m not 100% clear on that either. That’s probably not great, huh?”

Die’s laugh was reassuring. “Could be better.”

Kyo looked up at the ceiling of Die’s bedroom, trying to think about it. He wanted so much with Die, but his desires were so murky, always shuffling and changing. How could he set definitive boundaries, when he couldn’t always predict what he would be comfortable with?

For example, right now, Kyo was rock hard after what he’d just done to Die, but he wasn’t so sure he was ready to put himself at Die’s mercy enough to ask that he return the favor. It was confusing.

“Do you think,” Kyo started, trying to ignore the thrumming of his body. He shifted on the bed, licked his lips, tried again, “Would it work for me to just tell you what I’m okay with, as it comes up? And we can slow down if and when we need to?”

He glanced over at Die, who was watching him with a thoughtful look on his face.

“I can trust you to speak up if you don’t want something?” Die said.

“I won’t hesitate to stop anything,” Kyo said. “Can you agree to the same thing? I know you’re not so nervous about all this, but…”

“But you want to make sure I’m comfortable, too.” Die smiled. “I appreciate it.

They moved on easily to talking about other things, and ended up having dinner together. By the time Kyo went home, already eagerly awaiting his goodnight text, the hand job he’d given Die was all but forgotten.


	2. Chapter 2

As easy as it had been to put out of his mind that first night, the truth was that Kyo couldn’t stop thinking about it. He couldn’t stop remembering how perfect Die had felt in his hand, how incredibly beautiful he’d been as he’d come undone, his head thrown back, his mouth open, gasping.

Well, that wasn’t _all_ he was thinking about. Usually Kyo’s thoughts carried him on to the next level, and he would get stuck on what he’d really wanted, even the last time he was with Die, though he’d been too stunned and afraid to actually make the move.

Too afraid to lean down and take Die’s cock into his mouth, so he could lap up his cum.

He’d wanted to, and some part of him really regretted missing his chance. Not that he wouldn’t have other chances in the future, sure. That’s what his mind tended to fixate on with increasing frequency.

Next time.

Next time, he wouldn’t hesitate to get Die’s pants all the way off, to reveal everything. He wouldn’t hesitate to lick from his hipbone to his groin, to enjoy the tremble in Die’s long thighs as he did so.

Just the thought of it was enough to get Kyo hard on any given day.

So much of the time, it was difficult to know exactly what he wanted with Die, but recently, this at least was the most obvious thing imaginable:

He wanted Die’s dick in his mouth.

He wanted to breathe in the scent of him, feel the texture drag against his tongue, swallow down the _taste_ of Die’s need and his release.

Kyo let out a breath as he allowed himself to think of it again. His hand drifted down to rub at his hardening cock through his pants. He hadn’t even let Die get him off after he’d touched him, but that wasn’t the part he regretted nearly as much as his failure to get his mouth on him.

And he _had_ liked what they’d done. Some part of him knew he couldn’t do _everything_ he wanted every single time, but it had been so long since he’d had this much to fantasize about.

It was easy to imagine Die pushing him down to his knees, keeping his eyes locked with Kyo’s as he undid his belt. Kyo didn’t think he’d be able to keep his mouth from watering, but he’d try to hold back his moans, at least until he got his first taste.

He shoved his hand in his pants as he thought of Die looking down at him, commanding him to open his mouth.

Maybe he really had a problem, because that simple thought was almost enough to make him lose it, and he had to squeeze his cock at the base to stave off his orgasm.

Kyo lay there, trying to regulate his breathing for a minute before he could let his fantasy continue. He was in trouble if the mere _thought_ of sucking Die’s dick had this kind of effect on him.

There were a few different aspects of it that made it so appealing, and Kyo thought through them clinically as he slowly started stroking his cock again.

For one thing, there was the balance of power and control. Die could stand over him, could order him to swallow every drop, could grab him by the hair and hold him where he wanted him. Die could _use_ him, but he was still giving control of his _pleasure_ over to Kyo, letting Kyo be the one to give him that.

Then there was just how _much_ Kyo _wanted_ to give him that. He loved making Die feel good, loved knowing he alone could bring him that bliss. And _Die_ wanted it, too, had already thought about it, imagined for himself, Kyo’s lips around his cock. Kyo could get off just to that _desire_ written on Die’s face.

He stroked himself faster, picturing it. Die’s eyes would be dark, almost dangerous, but he’d still be gentle as he guided Kyo through it, always so careful when he knew things were new to him. He would pet Kyo’s hair, offer reassurances even as he thrust over his tongue.

“ _That’s so good, just like that…_ ”

Kyo moaned as he pumped himself faster, and his free hand moved to pull his mouth open, fingers pushing down on his tongue as he imagined Die using him. He was close, and he wasn’t going to hold back this time, his heel digging into the mattress as he neared his peak, heard the words Die might say echoing in his head.

“ _You feel so good around me, warm and wet… Can’t wait to fuck you_.”

With a startled gasp, Kyo came, hips arching off the bed as he shot into his boxer briefs. There were a few tears in his eyes as he pulled spit-slick fingers from his panting mouth and tried to bring the room back into focus.

Okay. That had been a new direction for the fantasy to take, and it had caught Kyo off-guard, despite its coming from his own mind.

Was that really something he wanted? For Die to fuck him? Or at least, for Die to _want_ to fuck him? He couldn’t deny that the notion excited him, but he didn’t really think he was ready for that. He’d never really taken anything up his ass like that, even when he got himself off, and while he trusted Die completely, he didn’t know if he could give himself over to such a degree.

Then again, it wasn’t even something Die had ever mentioned wanting, so most likely, Kyo was getting ahead of himself thinking so seriously about it.

No, he decided, pushing himself up to head for the bathroom, that wasn’t something he needed to think so closely about just yet, but he couldn’t keep ignoring the more consistently recurring elements of his sexual daydreams. Sooner or later he would have to confront his desires and take them up with Die directly.

Luckily, he was pretty sure Die wouldn’t make that conversation uncomfortable in the slightest.

* * *

“You know you’re giving me anxiety, right?” Kyo said as he watched Die slowly pacing around his room. He was half-joking, but he really did wish that Die would come sit by him on the bed and stop examining every detail of his living space.

“Does it really bother you?” Die glanced over his shoulder at him before returning his attention to the jewelry organizer on the dresser.

“Just a little,” Kyo mumbled.

“I’m sorry,” Die said, turning to fully face him. “I’m not trying to stress you out. I’ve just never been in here before, it feels…” He shrugged. “I like it. It’s your space.” He crossed to stand by the bed, looped his arms around Kyo’s neck. “I can stop if you want.”

Kyo chewed on his lip. He didn’t want Die to feel unwelcome in his space, but he wanted him closer. “Maybe you can finish exploring later?” he suggested. “Without me watching. Right now I just want you near me.”

Die smiled, leaned down to kiss Kyo softly. “Deal.”

Kyo kissed him back, let it develop gradually into the kind of kiss that had him digging his fingers into Die’s hips where he stood just between Kyo’s thighs.

Far too soon, Die was pulling back from the kiss, still smiling as he asked, “Did you have something else in mind, that you wanted us to do instead?”

Kyo’s throat felt tight as he nodded. “There’s actually… something I’ve been thinking about, kind of a lot?”

“Oh?” Die’s eyes glinted as he somehow managed to crowd Kyo even more.

Kyo nodded again, since that was easier than making words come out.

“Something you want?” Die’s voice had gone all husky, and it had an undeniable effect on Kyo. “You know, you can always tell me if there’s something you want to try.”

“I know,” Kyo said. He tried to soothe his nerves with that knowledge. It was just as he’d known it would be, Die so reassuring, patiently hearing Kyo out so he could help his needs be met. If he thought about it too hard, Kyo wanted to push Die away, not ready or willing to accept that freely-offered support and affection. He tried to keep himself on task, and stew in his insecurities later.

“I really liked what we did last time,” Kyo said.

Die’s smile turned soft. “Yeah? I liked it, too.”

“But I wanted to—do more,” Kyo said. His cheeks were hot, and he hated how pathetically young and inexperienced he must seem. It shouldn’t have been so hard to talk about. “I want to suck your dick,” he said bluntly.

Die’s eyebrows jumped. “Oh! You—Really?”

“I just keep thinking about it,” Kyo said. Gently he pushed Die back a few steps, so he could sink to his knees before him. “About how good your cock felt in my hand—how it’d feel even better in my _mouth_.”

Die gave a rusty little laugh. “I don’t—”

“It’s always on my mind lately,” Kyo confessed. He kept his eyes on the bulge directly in front of him. “Whenever I touch myself, I’m thinking about this.”

Die didn’t stop him from unbuttoning his fly, pulling his jeans and boxers down.

Kyo took Die in hand, started stroking him to full hardness. “Right in this room, I cum, picturing this, begging for you to fill my mouth… I’ve wanted to taste you.”

He eyed Die’s cock, the pre-cum slowly beading at the tip, and it felt like something surreal, impossible, that he could finally lean in and lick it up.

However much he’d been looking forward to it, he hadn’t expected to find himself actually moaning aloud at the taste. It wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy him, and he took the head into his mouth and sucked, hoping to earn more of the salty fluid.

Die, for his part, didn’t say or do much at all. His breath stuttered and he smoothed one hand over Kyo’s hair, but he didn’t get a solid grip, or try to direct Kyo’s movements.

That was mildly disappointing, but Kyo shook that feeling off, just concentrated on making it _good_ for Die. If he made him feel good, he would get ample opportunity to do this again, to enjoy the flavor of him, and more importantly, it would make Die _happy_. He couldn’t be so selfish-minded when it came to something like giving head.

He pulled off, kissed up and down the length of Die’s dick, mindful to give special attention to areas where he’d noted Die was sensitive when he’d explored with just his hands before. He traced a couple veins with his tongue, swirled it around the tip, and took him back into his mouth, deeper this time. With his limited experience, Kyo wasn’t making any attempt to deepthroat him, but he did try to test himself, seeing just how much he could take without serious discomfort.

Throughout his efforts, he kept waiting for the gentle support and guidance he expected from Die—but it didn’t come.

He looked up towards Die’s face as best he could, but Die’s eyes were closed and his fist was pressed against his mouth, making any emotions difficult to read.

Well, Kyo reasoned, maybe if he wasn’t getting any feedback, that just meant everything he was doing was working for Die. Maybe he wasn't advising Kyo on what to do because Kyo was already doing what he wanted.

With that in mind, Kyo tried to just keep doing what he’d been doing, but if he was honest, he was losing confidence. It wasn’t exactly something of which he was proud, but he _wanted_ that encouragement from Die, that praise, the comments that would inform him how better to please his lover. What did it mean that Die was clearly holding back?

Before he had much time to ponder it, Kyo was being hauled up to his feet, Die dragging him by the front of his shirt, and then he was being kissed, deeply enough that he almost forgot his train of thought.

Die pushed him back onto the bed, murmuring something against his mouth about wanting to take Kyo apart, and normally it would have shot straight to Kyo’s dick, but currently it felt a little too much like a diversion.

One of Die’s hands skimmed down Kyo’s abdomen to rest lightly over his hard-on. “Can I touch you?”

The barest hint of a touch made Kyo lightheaded, but he pushed weakly at Die’s hand. “Wait—Wait, hold on.”

Die’s hand retreated at once. “You don’t want me to?

“No, it’s not that,” Kyo said, struggling to regain control of the situation. “I just—What about you? I wasn’t finished.”

Die laughed. “Don’t worry about me. I want to make _you_ feel good now.”

“But I—That was making me feel good,” Kyo said. His insecurity was only growing with how he was being brushed off. “Was it not feeling good for you?”

“No, it was, of course.”

“Then why did you stop me?” Kyo reached tentatively between them for Die’s cock, and found him no longer fully hard. “Why didn’t you want me to get you off?”

Die pulled Kyo’s hand away, kissed his knuckles in a way that Kyo found awfully patronizing. “It’s really not that big a deal.”

That was enough to snap Kyo right out of his state of arousal. “Not that big a deal?” He pushed Die back by his shoulders and sat up, fixing him with a hard look. “Are you kidding me?”

Die floundered, seemingly stunned by the change in Kyo’s mood.

Kyo, on the other hand, was seconds away from losing his temper entirely. He wasn’t about to follow Die’s lead anymore, all cautious and trying to please him. He was insecure and he couldn’t let things be brushed aside so easily. “Were you just not listening to me before, or what?”

“I was listening,” Die said quietly. “You said you’d—been thinking a lot about blowing me, but that doesn’t mean—”

“Doesn’t mean _what_?” Kyo squawked. “Die—Do you not get it? I’ve never had another guy’s dick anywhere _near_ me, and I’ve been jerking off like crazy for the past _week_ , thinking about getting yours in my mouth. How is that not significant to you?”

Die wasn’t meeting his eyes, looking forlorn and pensive as he stared determinedly at the wall past Kyo’s shoulder. “It’s—I’m flattered. But I don’t…”

Something splintered inside Kyo. Die was _flattered_? But… he didn’t want it. He didn’t want Kyo that way.

It wasn’t impossible to make sense of, though Kyo wasn’t sure he wanted it to make sense. Die didn’t want to tell Kyo outright that he was awful in bed because he was too kind and gentle for that, but clearly Kyo was doing something wrong.

“You don’t want me to,” Kyo said in a hollow voice. “Was it that bad?”

“It’s not that,” Die said. “It’s—You weren’t bad at all—”

“Don’t give me that,” Kyo snarled. He shook his head, anger rising up within him to compensate for the hurt. If Die wanted something different why had he been so unresponsive, so unwilling to give any feedback? What was Kyo supposed to _do_? “You know this isn’t something—The least you could do is be fucking honest with me.”

Die looked at him, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. “Kyo, I am being honest. You weren’t doing anything wrong, I just… This is my fault.” He sighed, pushed his hair back over his shoulder. “I didn’t meant to put pressure on you, and by telling you last time, that I wanted—I didn’t mean you had to do it right _away_.”

“I'm not trying to suck you off just because you said that,” Kyo said, feeling a bit confused himself.

“Maybe not directly, but—I put the idea in your head, and now I just feel like shit for rushing things.”

Kyo shook his head, frustrated. “You’re not rushing anything. I told you before that I would let you know if I wasn’t okay with something. Do you suddenly not trust me?”

“I trust you,” Die said. “I just worry that—I don’t want you to feel like you _have_ to do something just because I said I wanted it.”

“I wasn’t lying when I said that I wanted it, too.” Kyo pulled a blanket up over his knee so he could pick at the edge of the fabric. “You might have given me the idea, but—we’re not _kids_. You’re different from other people I’ve been with, but this isn’t my first time, not by a long shot. I know what it is to want somebody and to want something. When you—I thought you just… didn’t actually want me after all.”

“God, no, I _do_ want you,” Die said at once. “Shit. I’m so sorry for making you feel that way. I really fucked things up.”

“It’s… I mean, _yeah_ , but it’s okay,” Kyo said. “If you want to take more time before certain stuff, you’re allowed to say that. I don’t want _you_ to feel rushed, either.”

Die nodded. “Can we just… try that whole thing again another time? I feel like I’ve killed the mood for it today.”

Kyo agreed, and they opted to ease back into just making out for a while, taking things slow, with no definite destination in mind for something more.

There was no denying that Kyo was disappointed. He’d been thinking about it for so long, fully intending to bring Die off that way, to end up with his release in his mouth. Plus, even with Die’s explanation of his actions, Kyo’s insecurity had been stoked and brought to the forefront of his mind. It would be hard to forget the general feeling of inadequacy.

Die certainly seemed to be making his best effort to take his mind off it, though, licking into Kyo’s mouth, letting his hands drift up and down his sides, squeezing his pecs. Everything became a swirl of sensation, until Kyo was feeling much more than he was thinking, and that was always a welcome change.

With his lips on Kyo’s neck, Die asked, “Would you be okay with me touching you now?”

There was no reason for Kyo to protest something he obviously wanted, so he nodded his head. “I want you to.”

Die kept licking and biting at Kyo’s neck even as his hand moved to grope and rub at Kyo’s cock through his pants. He was still going slow, like he wanted to leave Kyo time to push him away again, but Kyo rocked up towards his hand encouragingly, and in another minute, Die was working Kyo’s pants open and curling his long fingers around Kyo’s length.

This part was not so foreign to Kyo, and he moaned freely at the relief of being touched.

It was still different, though. Die’s hand was so _big_ , so strong, jacking Kyo off with such sure, steady movements. Kyo was briefly distracted by the thought that he wanted those big hands all over him, pinching his nipples and squeezing his ass, and— 

His breath caught as he thought of Die spreading him open, using those long fingers to prod at his hole, to delve so deep inside him. Even if Kyo played with himself that way, Die’s hands were so much bigger, his fingers thicker than Kyo’s own; he would be able to fill him up so _much_ , reach so deep…

Kyo buried his face against Die’s neck, trying simultaneously to muffle the sounds he was making and prevent himself from gasping out a plea for Die to fuck him. He wasn’t sure Die would be willing to try that today even if he begged, based on how certain other things had gone, and really, Kyo wasn’t ready to explore that yet, either.

The idea still brought him so close to the edge that he was jerking in Die’s grasp.

“You’re doing so good,” Die said softly into his hair while his thumb applied just shy of enough pressure to a spot below the crown of Kyo’s cock. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, I can’t wait to see how good I make you feel. You’re gonna show me, right?”

It was very _sweet_ , as far as dirty talk went, but it was enough for Kyo, and with very little extra attention, he was falling, biting down on Die’s shoulder to keep from shouting as he came over Die’s hand.

Die stayed sweet in the aftermath, petting Kyo’s hair with his clean hand and cooing how well he’d done and how beautiful he was.

Privately, Kyo thought it was a pretty silly thing to praise him for. Those reassurances might have made sense after a heavy scene, but when all Kyo had done was receive a hand job and cum embarrassingly fast, he hardly thought he’d earned the aftercare.

On the other hand, it felt. Really nice. Especially when he’d been feeling so shitty and vulnerable before.

So he didn’t grouse when Die cleaned him up and curled up with him in his arms, refusing to move, even to let Kyo give him a hand with his own erection.

“Taking care of you is important to me,” Die said firmly, and Kyo didn’t fight him on it. They stayed snuggling until they had to clean up and scrounge up some dinner.

It wasn’t bad, anyway. Maybe it was still far from something Kyo was used to, but if this was how Die wanted to do things, Kyo could probably learn to adapt.


	3. Chapter 3

Kyo shifted around on the couch, trying to get comfortable without squishing Die or elbowing him in any important organs. They were watching a movie, and he was lying with his back against Die’s chest, and while he truly enjoyed the nearness the position afforded them, he also found it tricky to stay comfy for more than a few minutes at a time.

Die’s hands squeezed his sides, and he grunted. “Do you need to sit differently?”

“I’m crushing you?”

“Not all of me,” Die laughed. “But if you want to move…”

“I like being close like this,” Kyo said. “I can be still.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Really, Kyo didn’t want to move. He liked the casual way that Die’s arms looped around his middle, liked how warm he was pressed up against his back. He liked how when he moved his hips subtly, he could hear Die’s quiet intake of breath, even though he was probably trying to hide it.

“Well, then,” Kyo said, tugging at one of Die’s hands. “ _Keep_ me still.” He placed Die’s hand on his own inner thigh, that being as close as he could get at the moment to true boldness. “Keep me where you want me.”

Die nuzzled against the back of his neck. “You are right where I want you already.” His fingers traced lightly along Kyo’s inseam. “And we’re watching a movie. I wouldn’t want to distract you.”

“I can multitask,” Kyo said. He kept his eyes doggedly on the movie playing, as he rolled his hips just barely in an effort to encourage Die’s wandering hand.

Slowly but surely, Die’s hand came to rest over Kyo’s cock in his jeans, thumb stroking with gentle pressure along the base. “Keep being good for me, yeah?”

Kyo couldn’t have imagined an alternative if he tried, and he really didn’t want to try. He preferred the reality where Die thought he was _good_ , where he could prove it by behaving while Die was touching him. He nodded absently and tried not to get totally caught up in the sensation of Die’s hands on him.

Die’s pace was unhurried, but he didn’t hold back. He massaged Kyo through his jeans, fingers traveling from base to tip and back down, while his other hand found its way up under Kyo’s shirt. He traced circles around one of Kyo’s nipples before pinching it between his thumb and forefinger, causing Kyo to arch into the touch.

Despite his claims of being able to multitask, it was hard for Kyo to focus, to stop himself from yanking Die’s hands away and turning in his lap so he could take control. But he wanted to let it play out, see just what Die had planned for him, so he kept as calm as possible and didn’t interrupt, even as Die’s hand slid slowly past the waistband of his jeans.

There was a soft sound right by Kyo’s ear as Die’s fingers teased through the short hair around the base of Kyo’s cock. “You’re so hot… Look how hard you are for me already,” Die whispered. He emphasized by finally wrapping his fingers around Kyo’s shaft.

Kyo tensed, his legs instinctively spreading further, and his head tipped back onto Die’s shoulder.

Die nipped at his ear. “I’m gonna take such good care of you,” he promised, and Kyo believed him.

Still, it was so controlled, just the unwavering movement of his hand, just the perfect amount of tightness and pressure to have Kyo feel like he was going to split at the seams. Any hope of watching the movie was something in a distant past, though Kyo was vaguely aware that it was still playing.

The arm across Kyo’s chest kept him pinned in place, held so that Die could carry on touching him as much as he wanted. It made Kyo want to struggle, even though there was nowhere else he’d rather be.

Then, Die’s voice was back, low in his ear, “You’re almost there, just be good a little longer,” and any desire to struggle went out the window.

Especially when Kyo felt Die’s hips rolling behind him, felt the hard press of Die’s arousal against the small of his back.

“God you make me so…” Die cut himself off with a harsh exhale. “You’re close, aren’t you?”

Kyo nodded, a soft whine escaping him as Die’s thumb circled the head of his cock. He was going to lose it in his pants, right there on the couch, and he couldn’t even care.

He imagined for a moment if he _wasn’t_ wearing his pants, if Die wasn’t either, if he could feel Die’s bare cock pressed up against him, feel it slide between his cheeks—

“Fu— _Die_ , fuck!” Kyo cried, his head tossed back as he came hard, emptying himself into his boxers.

Die held him through it, moaned against the side of Kyo’s neck as his hand was coated in cum.

All of Kyo’s bones had been liquified, and if he’d had to support his own weight he’d have been in a heap of trouble. As it was, Die was solid and comforting against his back, and Kyo could see himself dozing off with very little provocation.

Die might have let him, too, with how unselfish a lover he seemed to be, but Kyo wasn’t willing to let things end that way, so he roused himself, and turned his face to press a clumsy kiss to the corner of Die’s mouth.

“You were perfect for me,” Die said, smiling into the next kiss. “Always so much better than I can even imagine.”

“Let me be good for you again,” Kyo said softly, and got up so he could turn around and properly straddle Die’s lap. “I can touch you, or… or…” 

He wasn’t sure what else he could offer right then. The idea of Die’s cock pushing at his hole was intoxicating but terrifying, and he didn’t know if he could handle things in the other direction much better. He didn’t know the first thing about fucking someone with a body like Die’s, and the possibility of him doing a terrible job, failing to bring Die pleasure— _if_ Die even _liked_ being fucked, which frankly, they’d never discussed—was too daunting and horrific to face.

“This time,” Die said, saving Kyo from his imaginary dilemma, “could you—just keep touching me, kissing me? Stay right here in my lap?”

Kyo nodded, eager and grateful, and kissed Die with the force of all the nerves he was storing up. If some of these other experiences were new and intimidating, at least kissing was something with which Kyo was more than familiar, and he didn’t require any instructions from Die on how to bite at his neck or suck on the skin below his ear until Die was gasping.

He felt Die’s hand between them, moving to take his dick out of his pants, then stroking without much urgency. Kyo was confident he could change that.

He dragged his nails down Die’s back, kissed along his jawline, and listened for cues that Die wanted more or less or different. He so enjoyed learning these things that he wasn’t even nervous, wasn’t so distracted by the acceleration of Die’s hand working his own cock.

He couldn’t wait until he learned everything, until he learned exactly what Die needed to bring him to the edge, until he could hear Die begging and could know precisely what he was asking for without his having to put it into words. He couldn’t wait until he knew that Die trusted him to make him feel amazing every single time.

Something was surging up in Kyo’s heart, and he clung to Die harder, kissed his neck with more determination, until Die’s voice was in his ear, barely a breath of his name, and then he was cumming between them, the warmth of it hitting Kyo and staining his clothing.

It was a long while before Kyo was willing to let go of Die. He didn’t budge from his place on his lap, just sat there with his forehead resting against Die’s shoulder, and listened to Die’s breathing as it slowed and relaxed.

There was no rush for them to move, and neither of them seemed to care overmuch about the movie continuing to play in the background. Kyo wanted to keep this feeling of safety and contentment, to be able to call up the memory of it on future occasions, when such things seemed distant and impossible. Occasions like that, he knew, would always arise, so he might as well be prepared for them.

Die was eventually the one to shift, pressing a kiss to the side of Kyo’s head before he made to stand up, lifting Kyo right along with him.

Kyo yelped, flailing slightly before he realized Die could hold his weight. It felt strange. No one he’d dated had ever been able to pick him up before—or, no, that probably wasn’t true, but none of them had dared to _try_. There was something exhilarating about the careless way Die carried him to the bedroom.

Kyo looked up at him as he was set gently on the foot of the bed. “What are we doing in here?”

Die gave him a half-smile. “Well, I wanted to come in here, and I didn’t feel like letting go of you yet. Should I have left you behind?”

Kyo shook his head, and leaned back on his hands. He watched as Die stripped off his tank top, his eyes trying to take in all the details of his bared skin at once.

Die moved around the room, dropping his shirt in the laundry hamper, then crossing to pull out a clean one. Kyo was content just to watch, enjoying the lines of his body even as he made such simple movements.

Then, idly, Kyo looked down at himself, and realized just how obvious the cum stains were on his own shirt and jeans. He grimaced.

“Hey, do you think you have anything I could borrow, too?”

Die glanced over and mirrored his grimace. “Sorry, I made a mess of you, didn’t I?”

“Wasn’t just you,” Kyo said, shifting in the uncomfortable stickiness of his underwear.

“I might have something you can put on,” Die said, turning to rummage through a couple drawers. “Can’t promise it’ll be a good fit, but…”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Kyo said. Secretly, he was sort of excited about the prospect of wearing his boyfriend’s clothes. He hadn’t had much opportunity for clothes-sharing with his partners in the past. Even though he wouldn’t have minded wearing clothes made for women most of the time, his girlfriends had usually been opposed to lending him things. He’d worn a shirt belonging to his one and only boyfriend once or twice, but they’d been together such a short time it hadn’t happened often. He was eager to wear something of Die’s, something that felt like him, _smelled_ like him, even if it was just for one evening.

“Here,” Die said, handing over a little bundle of clothes. “If you wanna give me what you’ve got on, I can throw it in the wash… But it might not be dry till morning…”

Kyo looked up from where he was unbuttoning his jeans. “Are you inviting me to stay the night?”

Die looked oddly sheepish. “I mean, if you want to. You know, you’re always welcome.”

“Wow,” Kyo said lamely.

Die took it the wrong way. “Of course you don’t have to! I get it if you have things to do, or… I can always just bring your clothes over to you later, when they’re dry. There’s no reason why you would have to wait for them here.”

“No, Die, I—I would really like to stay,” Kyo said. “I was just surprised."

He couldn’t explain why exactly he’d been caught off-guard; it wasn’t like it was absurdly early in their relationship for him to sleep over. He supposed it was just that they hadn’t done that before, and there was something way too exciting about the prospect of tucking himself up against Die and falling asleep in his arms. Exciting and… Was he really allowed to have that? What had he done to earn it?

Both of Die’s hands were on Kyo’s shoulders, a gentle, grounding weight, and he looked at Kyo with concern plain in his expression. “If you’re not comfortable…”

“I’m comfortable with you,” Kyo said. “I’m just… Does this mean I won’t get my good morning text?”

Die stared at him for a minute before he burst out laughing and pulled Kyo into a hug. “I’ll deliver it personally.”

They showered together before climbing into bed, and Kyo felt sort of proud of himself for not turning it into an awkward sex moment, even when he had Die there naked, water dripping enticingly down his body, and he wanted nothing more than to drop to his knees and worship him with his mouth. He was still waiting for the right time for that, though, and was determined not to stir up any more conflict over the matter before all parties were ready.

Instead, they washed efficiently and snuggled up in Die’s bed, each wearing a clean pair of Die’s boxers.

Kyo felt so comfortable, so at peace, that it hardly seemed real. He rubbed his face against the pillowcase that smelled like Die, and scooted closer to the warm body beside him, not bothering to hide the smile he wore.

“I, um, might not fall asleep right away,” Die warned him, squeezing Kyo’s hand where it was wrapped around his middle. “It usually takes me a while. But I don’t want you to worry about it.”

Kyo nodded, kissed Die’s bare shoulder because he could. “As long as we’re doing warning labels, I guess I should tell you I snore.”

Die laughed. “Yeah, I’m aware, I’ve roomed with you before on tour.”

Kyo pulled back to squint at him in the dark. “You’ve noticed my snoring?”

“How was I supposed to miss it?”

Kyo rolled onto his back. “Is it really that bad? Do you want me to sleep on the couch?”

“Nooo,” Die said, still laughing a little. He nosed apologetically at Kyo’s temple. “It’s not bad. I want you here. I like your cute little snores.”

Kyo shoved at him indignantly but without any real force. “Fuck you.”

“Not now, we’re supposed to be sleeping,” Die sassed.

Even though it was just a joke, the implication made Kyo feel hot all over, and really that was just shameful. He needed to get it together.

Part of him wanted to stay awake, to just lie there and talk with Die, about his earliest memories, or plans for after his death, but he was so comfy it was hard for him to keep his thoughts coherent, and he found himself just listening to Die’s breathing, soft and deep. He realized that despite Die’s cautionary words, he had actually dozed off before Kyo, and that made Kyo happy. Perhaps, somehow, Kyo’s being there had made it easier for Die to sleep. Maybe he could even bring him peace as he slept, since Kyo knew Die sometimes had nightmares.

In time, Kyo drifted off, too, lulled by the gentle sound of Die’s breathing beside him.

His dreams were surreal and hard to follow, but quite obviously sexual at the same time. For the most part it was all dreamlike and strange; doors leading where they shouldn’t, people who shouldn’t exist speaking to him in languages he didn’t know or offering weird sexual favors in which he had no interest. But then a hand reached through the wall (which of course seemed normal in the dream), and Die pulled him through into what looked like his bedroom from the time when he was a teenager.

“Are you okay?” Die asked, pulling him close and getting both hands in his hair. “I’ve been looking for you since after the live.”

“I know,” Kyo replied, because, in the dream, he did. “It’s just been one thing after another, and I thought those mascots could give me a ride, but they’d all forgotten their driver’s licenses.”

“You can never trust those types.”

“Mascots or people without driver’s licenses?”

Die just laughed, and kissed him. He pulled back with a secretive smile on his face. “You know, no one’s home right now.”

Kyo looked around his bedroom. “You mean…?”

“We have the place to ourselves!” Die leaned in, whispered, “And there’s something I’ve been wanting to try with you…”

His tone of voice made Kyo shiver in anticipation. “Anything.”

Die tugged him by his hand to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, keeping Kyo between his thighs. “You’re ready for me, aren’t you, baby?”

The pet name caught Kyo by surprise, and he gasped just as Die undid his pants and pulled them down. _Baby_ wasn’t something he was used to people calling him, but maybe he didn’t hate it.

He was so distracted he hardly noticed Die taking his own cock out, turning Kyo around.

“This is okay, right?” Die murmured, warm and low in his ear. He had one arm wrapped around Kyo’s chest, just as he had earlier on the couch, only now Kyo could feel Die's erection, out and ready to drive deep and hard into him, to fill him to bursting.

Just as Kyo started to lower himself onto Die’s lap, he woke up, rather disappointed by where his mind opted to cut off the intriguing (if somewhat strange) dream he was having.

The good news, though, was that he was still in Die’s bed, and he found himself smiling as he pulled himself up against Die’s back and got his arm once more around Die’s middle.

As he did so, his arm brushed unexpectedly against something hard, and Kyo froze as he tried to take mental stock of their two bodies to figure out what limb he’d bumped into.

It took him an embarrassingly long several seconds to realize it was Die’s cock, that Die was hard as he slept beside him, perhaps having his own dream at that very moment, not so dissimilar to Kyo’s.

Though maybe without the mascots.

And lucky for Die, he wasn’t waking up and having his dream interrupted. Unless Kyo should wake him up?

Kyo bit his lip, shifted his arm just a few centimeters, and felt Die’s erection twitch against his wrist. His eyes closed as he kept himself from moaning aloud. He wanted to move his hand a little more, to reach into Die’s boxers and feel him hot against his palm, but he wasn’t going to take advantage of Die when he was sleeping. He had no way of knowing if he would be okay with it.

So, he willed himself not to move, kept his arm firmly around Die’s middle, and tried to bring himself back down to that peaceful place of just relaxing into Die’s breathing, even as his own arousal pressed against the back of Die’s thigh.

He briefly considered sneaking off to the bathroom to take care of it, but he really didn’t want to leave the bed, leave Die’s warmth, so he did his best to ignore it, and to fall back asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

There was a lot for Kyo to think about over the next few weeks. They were finalizing all the tracks for the new Dir en grey single, there was a photo shoot, and he was receiving pressure to do an interview with some online rock journal, about sukekiyo and their unique musical style and theme. 

It was a subject he didn’t hate talking about or he would have been much more reluctant to go, but he still insisted on bringing Takumi along to do the talking when Kyo inevitably got carried away rambling about his own bullshit. Once he tried to open up for an interview it was always a struggle to keep himself from sounding like a complete ass. Usually another band member acting as a buffer softened that impact at least slightly.

With so much to keep him occupied, it was something of a miracle how much time Kyo spent obsessively thinking about if and when he wanted Die to fuck him.

He still wasn’t 100% sure he wanted it at all, and of course he hadn’t discussed it with Die because that would have made too much sense, so he’d just been doing a lot of research on his own.

He watched video after video of gay porn, skipping around until he found the parts with actual penetration, and watched with a little furrow between his brows—not for his own enjoyment, but just trying to gauge the pleasure both parties received, the preparation and positioning necessary.

It was probably ludicrous to try to absorb any of that from pornography, since it it was all staged and exaggerated, and more preparation likely occurred off-camera. Kyo was aware of that. But still he persisted.

It wasn’t like him to do this much research. Most times, if he was interested in trying something new, he would just throw himself into it and see how it went. This was different. It was different because he knew it was something Die wanted. Even if they didn’t talk about it explicitly, Kyo was sure Die wanted things to go that way sooner or later. He might not ask for it, because he was so concerned with making Kyo feel pressured, but Kyo could hardly expect him to wait around forever.

And Kyo, maybe, was a little bit scared.

He wasn’t afraid of the sex itself, that it would hurt, or that he would embarrass himself, but he was worried that, to put it simply, for whatever reason, he would hate it, and that Die would end up severely disappointed because they would discover it was something Kyo just _couldn’t_ enjoy.

There was no real reason for him to think this. All his experiences with Die so far had been immensely satisfying, and there was no real reason for him to think it wouldn’t be just as good having Die inside him.

But he could all too easily imagine Die’s face, worried, maybe _hurt_ , that the hadn’t succeeded in bringing Kyo pleasure, blaming himself for anything lacking. Kyo couldn’t stand the thought of Die taking responsibility for something like that, seeing Kyo’s dislike of being penetrated as Die’s personal inadequacy. There was just no way Kyo could let it get to that point. 

Of course, Kyo technically had no way of knowing that he wouldn’t like it, and eventually determined that that was the most important step. He would need to figure out for himself whether or not he liked having something up his ass.

He tried his own fingers first, naturally, but it was hard to tell how he felt about it, struggling for the proper angle, alone in his bed. He wanted to be excited about what he was potentially working towards, but it mostly felt _weird_ , and his general nervousness was too distracting for him to get much pleasure from it.

So it was that Kyo found himself impatiently awaiting the arrival of a package containing a few different sex toys with which he could experiment. They were far from the first toys Kyo had ever purchased in his long and adventurous life, but he’d never before gotten any for the purpose of actually _fucking_ himself, and the thought of them on their way to him kept him quiet through a whole meeting at the studio one afternoon.

No one else in the band commented on it, accustomed to Kyo’s moodiness, but Die approached him as soon as they were finished, concern written on his face.

“You seem uncomfortable and distracted,” he observed. “I don’t get the feeling that the content of the meeting itself is what’s bothering you, but something clearly is.”

Kyo nodded stiffly, too embarrassed to go into detail about his issue. “I got an email right before the meeting, saying my package will be delivered tonight.”

“Package? Something you ordered?”

Kyo nodded again.

Die narrowed his eyes, like he was trying to read between literal lines. “But… you’re not happy about it. Buyer’s remorse?”

Kyo hesitated, then shook his head. Almost everyone else had already filed out of the room, leaving them in relative privacy, so it wouldn’t hurt for him to give Die a little more information.

“It’s something I want, I’m just…” Kyo felt like an idiot. It wasn’t something he was ashamed to talk about out loud, and yet he could only imagine Die’s reaction if he voiced what a petty thing he was distracted by. After a pause, he glanced up at him. “Would you be able to come over tonight, to see what I got?”

Die looked puzzled by the request, but he nodded. “Of course. I’ll bring dinner over. Around eight?”

“Sounds perfect,” Kyo said, which wasn’t a complete lie. On any other day, it really _would_ have sounded perfect. Kyo obviously enjoyed Die’s company, and it was always a blessing to not have to worry about diner, but with the lingering tension of knowing exactly what was arriving in the mail for him, it wasn’t as easy to simply be grateful for his time with Die.

Kyo said goodbye, let Die walk off with the promise to see him later that evening, and then wondered why the hell he’d invited him over. What was he thinking? What did he mean for Die to do once he was there?

He supposed he just meant to get Die’s opinions on his purchases? Die surely had more experience with toys of this variety, and might very well have some suggestions or helpful tips to keep in mind.

That was all Kyo was hoping for. It wasn’t like he was planning on trying anything out the second he pulled it out of the box. He could explore various play with his new toys in his own time, at his leisure. Die didn’t need to be there for that, especially since it was sure to be a humiliating learning experience. But he could still _see_ what Kyo had picked out, and offer some feedback.

Kyo barely managed to beat the mail delivery to his place, but he got there just in time, and could only hope that his blush wasn’t too obvious as he accepted the discreet package from the postal worker.

As soon as the door was closed behind him, Kyo hurried to sit down right in the middle of the living room floor and work the packing tape meticulously off the box, biting his lip as he did so.

The box opened to reveal Kyo’s three new toys, all cheerfully packaged with bright labels, and yet just as imposing to Kyo as they’d been in his mind before facing them. He shook his head, reprimanded himself internally. He shouldn’t be intimidated by mere physical objects.

He unwrapped the smallest item first, a fairly simple butt plug, which he’d figured was a pretty safe place to start when it came to this kind of play. The other toys in the order, a vibrator and a larger dildo, were less easy to get comfortable with, but there was no reason for Kyo to see them as anything other than tools for pleasure.

He kept that in mind as he tidied up the packaging and took the toys to clean them properly before use. He plugged the vibrator into its provided charger, and got into the shower, getting himself freshened up and ready for Die’s arrival.

Just imagining the look on Die’s face when he saw what Kyo had ordered was enough to get Kyo excited. He thought of how Die’s eyes would darken, how he would pull Kyo closer to him like a magnetic force.

Kyo’s hand was on his cock before he really had a chance to think about it.

When he _did_ think about it, he froze. What was he doing? Die was only coming over to _see_ what he’d bought; it wouldn’t do for Kyo to get himself all worked up about Die’s reaction. None of the toys were all that wild and out there anyway, so most likely, Die could just… give a simple opinion, Kyo told himself again, maybe a recommendation or two, because Die’s opinion really did matter to Kyo. In this context especially, he found he was hoping for Die’s unequivocal approval.

As for recommendations, maybe that would have been more helpful if Kyo had asked Die _before_ placing his order, but there could still be something like, “ _use more lube with a toy like that_ ” or, “ _this feels best pressed against your prostate,_ ” that would mean more coming from Die than if Kyo just read the reviews on the website from which he’d ordered it.

Kyo’s cock throbbed where he still held it as he thought of where Die would have gotten such intimate wisdom about using these kinds of toys. They’d never shared stories about something like that, but did Die have his own collection stowed away somewhere in his bedroom? Did he know exactly the best way to pleasure himself with some silicone cock when he couldn’t get the real deal?

Kyo wanted to learn.

He shook his head, hoping to shake all these sorts of thoughts clear, and finished his shower without touching himself any further.

From there, the waiting was difficult. Kyo was sorely tempted to get started trying out his new toys, even before he showed them to Die. Then he could share a few opinions of his own, too.

But he managed to keep himself busy, distracted. He replied to a few work-related emails, vacuumed, and had just finished a coat of nail polish when Die arrived at last.

He wasn’t filled with the same suffocating tension that had been driving Kyo all afternoon. He didn’t really know why he was there, just held up the takeout he’d brought and smiled warmly, and his _innocence_ only made Kyo burn hotter.

“So, did your package really come?” Die asked as he followed Kyo into the kitchen and watched him put away the food.

“It did,” Kyo answered.

“Um.” Die pointed to the fridge as Kyo closed it. “Are we not gonna eat?”

“It’s gonna have to wait,” Kyo said. “I don’t think I can eat until after I show you what I got.” After all, he never liked eating before he had to give a performance.

Die was obviously confused again, maybe unsettled, but he trailed after Kyo down to his bedroom, and sat on the foot of the bed when he was instructed to do so.

Kyo stood before him, unsure how to broach the topic. “I’ve been doing some research,” he said at length.

“Oh? On what?”

Kyo opened his mouth, then closed it and shook his head. He went to retrieve all his clean-and-ready toys, and came back to stand in front of Die, still not letting him see his prize.

“I’ve been thinking about something, but not—I don’t know if I want it,” Kyo said, “or _what_ I want. So I’ve been looking into—well…”

He couldn’t come up with a proper lead-in off the top of his head, and somehow he hadn't planned one ahead of time, so he stopped forward to sit by Die on the bed, and laid the toys out on the comforter between them.

Die was silent as he stared down at them, his eyes a bit wide, but his face otherwise unreadable.

It went on so long that Kyo started to lose his nerve. Maybe bringing Die into this was too much, too forward. Maybe he should have just stuck to completing his research on his own.

At last, Die cleared his throat, and his eyebrows drew together as he spoke, “You—you bought these to try out, on, wha—on yourself?”

Kyo nodded. “I don’t have much experience with… having anything inside me. I don’t even know if I’d like it, so I figured I’d better try it out.”

“Right, yeah, that makes—okay, sure. Makes sense.” Die nodded, too, and kept nodding. He didn’t quite look _happy_ , going on nodding, rubbing at his lower lip almost anxiously.

Kyo tried to parse his reaction, hoped against hope that he was being weird because he _liked_ the idea, not because he _didn’t_ like it.

“And you wanted,” Die said, dropping his hand to run one fingertip over the base of the plug where it rested on the bed, “um, wanted me to help, with that?”

“I thought you might have some advice,” Kyo said.

Die swore under his breath, then stood up from the bed, slipped off his cardigan, and tossed it on Kyo’s dresser. “Lots of lube is the key,” he said. “Did you order some of that, too?”

“I already had some,” Kyo said. “Top desk drawer.”

Die nodded, and crossed to the desk to find the bottle, his movements smooth and unhurried, despite the darkness of his eyes.

Kyo wasn’t sure what was gong to happen next. He wasn’t sure what he _wanted_ to happen. Originally he’d kept saying he only wanted Die there for wisdom and support, but now Die was stalking towards the bed with his toned arms displayed in his simple tank top, holding Kyo’d bottle of lubricant in one hand, and Kyo trusted him completely.

“You want to try this now?” Die said, as always, giving Kyo room to back out of things. He must have read the hesitation in Kyo’s face, because he held up a hand. “You know you don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. I’m not in any rush.”

“It’s my research, though,” Kyo argued feebly. He wanted to snatch the lube from Die, to show exactly how ready he was, but his nerves had him frozen, paralyzed, and his protests sounded weak even to his own ears.

“I don’t mean you have to stop your research,” Die said. “Just maybe we can work our way up to it.” He thumbed at the button of his own jeans. “Would… would you like to watch me using one of your new toys first, to give you a… kind of demonstration?”

Oh. There was no part of Kyo that wanted to turn down an offer like that, and he just nodded, settling more comfortably on the bed so he could watch as Die unbuttoned his fly and took his jeans and boxers off together.

“I didn’t even know this was something you were interested in exploring,” Die said. He picked up the largest of Kyo’s selection of toys, a semi-realistic (except for its icy blue color) dildo. “I could have brought over some stuff for us to play with.”

“You have things at home?” Kyo had to catch his breath at the confirmation of his suspicions that Die would have experience with such things.

Die smirked. “Think my collection’s a little more extensive than yours.” His hand wrapped around the dildo’s shaft as he spoke. “But this isn’t a bad start.”

Kyo moved to one side to make more room for Die on the bed. “So is there—what should I be doing while you….?”

“Everything’s already cleaned and ready?”

Kyo nodded.

“Then just sit back and enjoy the show,” Die said with a grin. He got himself comfortably situated on the bed, back against Kyo’s pillows, long, bare legs spread wide, as if to give Kyo the best view possible.

It was much appreciated, and Kyo didn’t have any problem with watching, but he still felt like he should be doing something more active. “You’re sure you don’t need any help?”

Die chuckled. “I shouldn’t have any trouble. It’s something I’ve done plenty of times before.”

Even already knowing that, hearing Die say it so nonchalantly had Kyo biting back a moan.

“I admit, though, I don’t usually have an audience.” One of Die’s hands was already moving between his legs, fingers slick with lube, and Kyo watched as he traced lazily around his rim. “The important thing starting out,” Die said, his voice coming out just a little tight, “is to make sure you’re using enough lube. It doesn’t hurt to have it even wetter than you think you’ll need. You don’t want to hurt yourself.”

Kyo snorted softly, too mesmerized to be properly indignant. “It’s not a completely foreign concept, you know.”

“I’m just telling you what I know,” Die said. Then his lips pressed together and one of his long fingers started to slip in to his tight asshole. Kyo held his breath until it was in past the second knuckle, and Die pulled it back again, only to push in deeper.

_Oh, fuck_ , Kyo thought, on repeat, like he had no other, more coherent thoughts. This wasn’t quite how he’d envisioned the evening going, but he wasn’t of a mind to remember some alternative as he watched Die patiently opening himself up, stretching his hole around his strong fingers, offering up bits of spoken advice that Kyo could hardly comprehend, in an increasingly breathless voice.

“It might take a couple tries to get the angle right,” Die said, three fingers now moving inside him. “But you should at least be able to use your toys to— _ah!_ Nng, yes.” Die broke off with a moan, his hips lifting off the bed, fluid and tantalizing.

“Good?” Kyo asked, trying to memorize every second for future reference.

“Yeah, I’m—Can you pass me the toy?” Die eased his fingers out, wiped them absently on his tank top, and held out his hand.

Kyo picked the dildo up from where it was lying on the bed. It felt so _big_ , heavy, so much more than Die’s fingers, and his heart was pounding just thinking about getting to see it shoved so deep in Die’s ass. He passed it over and hoped Die didn’t notice his hand shaking ever so slightly.

It was almost businesslike how efficiently Die got the toy lubed up before lining it up with his entrance. He flashed Kyo a smile that was somehow both sexy and reassuring, and then started pushing the tip inside.

Kyo couldn’t stop how his mouth dropped open as he watched. It didn’t seem like it should fit. Die was so small, there was no way that thick silicone cock should have been able to work its way into him, but Die was taking it like it was his job—or more, like it was his greatest fucking joy in life, and with every centimeter that entered him, Kyo felt his own cock growing harder.

Once it was fully inside him, Die shuddered and sighed. “It’s—as easy as that.”

Kyo blinked, then started laughing. He’d more or less forgotten that this was supposed to be a learning experience. It was enough for him just to have the privilege of watching Die like that.

“I didn’t really mean that as a joke,” Die said, but he was laughing, too.

“I’m sorry,” Kyo said, shaking his head, but truthfully, he was glad they could both laugh about it. It made the whole thing much less intimidating. “How does it feel?”

Die’s eyelids fluttered. “Good. So full. It’s been a while since I had something so big inside me.”

The words ran down Kyo’s spine. Was that what Die wanted? Did he want Kyo to fill him up that way, too? It wasn’t entirely new territory for Kyo, and yet the thought had his stomach sinking. It was his first time to realize that maybe _he_ really wanted it the other way. As hot as it would surely have been to fuck Die just how he wanted it, to feel him tight around his cock, Kyo wanted to feel the other side of things. But then, they could always mix it up later on…

“And from here, it’s all about giving it to yourself the way you like it,” Die said, thought it really wasn’t necessary for him to go on giving instructions. He gripped the base of the dildo and started pulling it out slow.

Kyo watched with unreserved interest. If Die was showing him how he liked to be fucked, he’d have been a fool to miss a second of it.

The hardest part was deciding where to keep his attention. He loved the way Die’s body seemed to suck the toy in, to welcome the intrusion like it was just _asking_ to be filled, but he wanted to watch Die’s face, too; the tilt of his eyebrows, the way he bit at his lip only to let it go when he gasped. 

Then there were his _thighs_ , long and pale, flexing and trembling as Die rolled his hips in time with his lazy thrusts; there was the flush that spread down his chest, rising and falling dramatically with each breath; and there was his cock, heavy and drooling against his belly, apparently forgotten in the midst of everything else.

Kyo didn’t like to see Die neglected like that. He knew just how well his hand fit around Die’s shaft, and he wanted to contribute something, so he offered, “Could I… help?”

Die’s head tipped back a little more, and he nodded. “Here, just… hold it, like this, like I’m holding it.”

Kyo’s eyes widened as he realized Die meant for him to take over control of the toy.

“Are you sure?” he asked, even as he moved his hand into the instructed position.

Die’s hand fell away, letting Kyo drive it himself. “Yes, fuck, I’m sure. I know you’ll fuck me so good.”

_Shit_. Kyo hadn’t even thought to fantasize about Die saying such things to him. Using what he’d picked up from observing how Die worked himself, Kyo began to cautiously move the toy in and out of Die’s hole, trying to match the angle that Die had liked best.

With both hands free, Die reached up to push up his tank top and play with his own nipples. He pinched them between his fingers and moaned loud enough to make Kyo blush.

“Feeling good?” Kyo whispered, and he barely recognized his voice, halting and dark.

“You have no f-fucking— _God_ , there, Kyo—!” Die broke off, his hips off the bed. One hand flew from his chest down to his cock, and he started jerking off without a moment’s hesitation.

Kyo still couldn’t decide where to look as Die’s noises grew more desperate and he knew he didn’t want to miss any of it. He watched in awe as Die came, suddenly, all over this own stomach, a beautiful, agonized sound leaving him as he did so.

Very gingerly, Kyo pulled the dildo out, and set it aside, unable to look away from how Die’s hole fluttered and clenched around the sudden emptiness.

Die was breathing heavy, his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, and Kyo had the bizarre urge to just _lick_ him all over, not just the pearly cum spattered across his belly, but every centimeter of him, just to _obtain_ his taste and keep it for himself. That was possibly gross, so he restrained himself.

His own erection however was getting hard to ignore, and he squirmed where he sat.

“I hope,” Die said tiredly, “that that was a helpful, educational experience. For you.”

Kyo could have laughed again, but he was kind of too horny. “I think I learned a lot, thanks. And yourself?”

Die smiled, shook his head. “You’re amazing. Can’t wait for you to try it yourself, it feels so fucking good, having something in your ass when you cum—I mean, it does for me, at least. You make me feel so good.”

Kyo whined rather pitifully. He was hard enough that he wasn’t particularly concerned with trying out his new toys anymore. Having watched Die fuck himself—and having _helped_ him to do so—Kyo was so worked up, he was mostly just interested in getting off, and fast.

“What’s wrong?” Die pushed himself up, looking far too worried, given the pathetic noise Kyo had made.

“ _Die_ , fuck, I need—” Kyo gabbed at Die, threw one leg over one of his thighs just to give himself something to rub against. “You’re so hot, and I just _need_.”

Die got his hands on Kyo’s hips, kissed him like he was giving him some kind of blessing. “Anything you need, tell me, I’ll give you whatever you need.”

Kyo whined again. He didn’t have anything specific in mind, and he’d really _wanted_ to try out his toys, but he didn’t have the patience for it at this point.

Die kissed him again, soothingly. “Get undressed. Let me help you, okay? I promise not to tease.”

Something in his tone made Kyo believe him, and though he still got his clothes off rather frantically, he trusted that Die would make him feel better, help him to release this energy.

He lay down on the bed, in approximately the same place Die had been a moment before, and spread his legs so Die could touch him.

He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t expecting Die’s lubed finger to start pressing at his hole, but at the initial touch he nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Hey, hey, shhh,” Die said, free hand steady on Kyo’s thigh. “Is this okay? Do you want me to stop?”

Kyo hurriedly shook his head. “I just wasn’t ready.”

“You… _have_ done this part before, right?” Die clarified.

“I’ve—Yeah, with myself,” Kyo said. He kept his eyes closed as if that would make him less exposed. “I couldn’t tell really how—into it I was.”

“Okay.” Die’s voice was soft, carried comfort even in that single word. “You trust me to do this with you, though?”

“I want you to,” Kyo said. He couldn’t wait much longer, spending time just discussing it. His hand found its way to his cock, started stroking, not overly quickly, but it helped to at least take the edge off.

And it distracted him from the weird, sharp, too-much feeling of Die working his fingers inside him. Although, Kyo had to admit, it didn’t feel _bad_. It still felt _strange_ , but there was some kind of _heat_ to it, something twisting deep and low inside him, and he wanted more of it.

“Still okay?” Die asked, and Kyo heard the lube opening again, somewhat distantly.

“Yeah, good,” Kyo said, his own fingers running lightly up and down his cock, teasing a couple sensitive areas. “I can take more.”

Die huffed out a fond laugh. “I’m sure you can, but it’s not my goal to see how much you can take—not tonight.”

The promise in those words had Kyo’s dick throbbing, and he almost didn’t notice Die’s fingers slipping out of him—but he _did_ notice the slick, unfamiliar press of something new against his entrance, and he couldn’t even catch his breath before the plug was breaching him, sliding into place easily. It wasn’t a large plug, but the feeling of it filling him, stretching him, was so foreign that it was impossible to not divert all of Kyo’s attention to the intrusion.

“You look so sexy with something in you like that,” Die said, and it sounded like a simple fact.

Kyo tightened his grip on his cock, stroked more firmly. He was full, and there was no reason for him to draw things out any longer.

Die bent over him, his long hair tickling Kyo’s chest and stomach, and his tongue flicked over one of Kyo’s nipples.

It was so much stimulation at once that Kyo cried out, desperate, almost in pain. He wanted _more_ , but it was too much; he wanted to _cum_ , but he didn’t want any of it to end. Needy sounds were bubbling out of him out of his control, his movements over his cock were erratic, and when Die closed his lips around his nipple and sucked, Kyo lost it, and swore loudly as his whole body spasmed and he came so hard he saw stars.

The feeling of clenching around the plug in his ass was unlike anything Kyo had ever experienced, and it dragged his orgasm out so it was more like two in a row, everything inside him breaking and screaming, turning into blades of light, until all he could register was the solidity of the bed under him, the warmth of Die’s hand on his thigh, and everything else was distant concepts and sensations.

He didn’t know how long he was lying there, but eventually Die carefully removed the butt plug, made sure Kyo was clean and comfortable, and came to lie down beside him.

“Do you need anything at all? Water? Bath?”

Kyo frowned sleepily. “That all sounds. Wet.”

Die laughed. “Water is indeed wet, you are correct.”

“Can’t we just stay here for a while? I’m comfy like this.”

“Whatever you want.” Die pulled him closer, kissed his arm, his shoulder, and rested his head on the same pillow Kyo was already occupying. 

It didn’t feel too close. Kyo might have felt crowded or smothered, but he didn’t at all; he just felt safe, glad that Die was there, that he wasn’t even a centimeter farther away.

He fell asleep like that, pleasantly exhausted and wrapped in Die’s warm embrace, dimly smug that he’d thought to cleverly purchase those toys and to invite Die over to share them. He had the feeling they’d be getting a lot more use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, at least they'll have breakfast waiting for them in the fridge...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Spoilers maybe, but also kind of a warning, this chapter doesn't have any somnophilia in it really, but they do talk about it and discuss the potential for it to happen in the future, so in case that is a point of discomfort for anyone, I don't want it to come as a surprise.   
> (Further spoilers/warning, there probably will be some pre-arranged and agreed-upon kinkiness in a later chapter, where they actually act upon some of what they discuss here)  
> Hope everyone is keeping safe and healthy in all senses, and that maybe my stories can at least offer some small distraction in our current stressful world xoxo

The lights weren’t on anymore when Kyo woke up, so Die had to have gotten up and turned them off at some point, but he’d returned to bed and glued himself back to Kyo’s side, so that was fine.

And in his current position, Kyo was once again keenly aware of Die’s erection trapped against him. Was this a regular occurrence for Die whenever he slept? Morning wood, sure, but it was starting to seem like any time Kyo woke up next to Die, he was hard. Was he comfortable sleeping like that?

As before, Kyo was tempted to help Die take care of his problem—but he dismissed the thought. That was something they’d have needed to arrange in advance, so, even if Die was grinding against Kyo in his sleep, he’d have to just. Not react.

Then again, not taking advantage of Die didn’t mean Kyo couldn’t satisfy his _own_ needs.

He let his hand drift down his own, still-naked body, careful not to disturb Die, and curled his fingers loosely around his cock with a soft sigh. His eyes closed, and he could feel Die, warm against him, the weight of his arm across his ribs comforting and somehow exciting. The scent of Die was everywhere, and when Kyo shifted his hips, a dull sort of ache reminded him of exactly what they’d gotten up to the night before.

The memory was enough to bring him to full hardness, and Kyo pressed his lips together, trying to keep quiet as he went after himself in earnest.

He could almost imagine that he was still _full_ , still had that butt plug keeping him stretched open. It had felt so much better than he’d expected, and he kind of wanted it back. He had the passing though that he could get up and find it right then—or the vibrator, which he still hadn’t gotten to try yet—but there was little chance of him pulling himself out of bed to look for it, when Die was still holding him.

How much better would Die feel inside of him than the toy had? Die was _warm_ , and he’d be able to get so much _deeper_. Kyo had felt like he was stuffed so full with just that plug in him, but he knew Die could fill him so much better.

He choked on a moan with that thought, his muscles tautening. Fuck, he was close already, just thinking about it. And he knew Die’s dick really was right there, so close it was touching him.

Opening his eyes, Kyo angled his head so he could look down at Die’s body. Most of the covers had been pushed down and to the side as they slept, leaving Die mostly bare, down to his hip, and his erect cock was visible where it rested against Kyo’s thigh.

Kyo wanted to taste him. Fuck.

A little spurt of pre-cum dribbled over Kyo’s fingers, and he let out a shaky breath as he brought his hand to his mouth, tasted _himself_ , since he couldn’t have Die at the moment. He wanted to compare them. Really, how different was Die’s taste from his own?

Just then, Die made some sleepy noise, rolled his hips, dragging his cock along Kyo’s thigh, and Kyo seriously considered just waking him the hell up. He’d be doing him a favor! Wouldn’t Die be happier, awake and satisfied?

Kyo brought his hand back down to his own cock, started jerking himself off as quickly and quietly as he could, trying to keep breathing through his nose as his hips rose up off the bed. He was too horny to even fantasize properly, his thoughts a swirl of bodies and tastes and _want_ , and he was so close to falling over that edge, so close that it took a split second for him to register the soft lips moving across his pecs, leaving a trail of kisses behind.

“ _Die_ , you—you’re awake,” he gasped. His mind was at war with his body; shame at being caught versus the overwhelming need for everything to continue, at least until he could get off.”

“Mmm.” Die’s lips were pressed against his Kyo’s skin, moving lower, over tattoos to the left of his bellybutton. “ _Something_ woke me up.”

Kyo had every intention of snarking that it must have been Die’s hard-on that woke him, but instead his mouth dropped open as Die nipped at his hipbone, started sucking at the sensitive skin there.

It was getting more difficult to keep his pace on his cock, Kyo’s movements becoming more irregular and unfocused. He was close and he _needed_ it so badly that he could hardly think of anything else.

A warm chuckle came from further down his body. “Can’t believe you woke up and had to touch yourself again, mere hours after everything we did last night,” Die said in a low voice. His hand skimmed up Kyo’s inner thigh. “Are you always this fucking horny, or just ‘cause I’m here?”

“Y-you’re one to talk,” Kyo snapped with as much bite as he could muster when he was on the brink of orgasm. He wanted to knock that smug note out of Die’s voice, but there was no defense to be made.

Die’s tongue traced the crease of Kyo’s thigh where it met his pelvis. “I like that you’re insatiable,” he said, and his hand wandered up to rub his fingers along Kyo’s taint, quiet and deliberate.

Kyo cried out, his body jerking wildly.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of the sounds you make,” Die murmured, and when Kyo looked down at him he met his eyes, gaze dark and hungry, even in the dimness of the room.

Kyo broke. Everything about Die, from his words to how he looked at him, how he _touched_ him, was too much, and Kyo couldn’t have held out even if he’d wanted to. Cum rained down on his stomach as he arched off the bed, his every nerve ending lighting up.

He was distantly aware as he came down from it, of Die’s low laughter again, and he was spurred into action before his limbs had even stopped feeling like jelly. Both his hands landed on Die’s chest, slamming him back down against the bed, and while Die was still trying to process the sudden change, Kyo shifted down his body, shouldered his way between Die’s legs, and licked a solid stripe up the underside of his cock.

Die gasped, his eyes wide, smug expression long gone.

“Tell me right now if you don’t want me to do this,” Kyo said. He’d already had his first taste, and he was more than ready to go to town on him, but not if Die didn’t want it.

“God, Kyo, please suck me,” Die said, his cock twitching against Kyo’s lips.

That was all the invitation Kyo required.

It was a little easier this time, since he knew Die’s tells a little better, was more informed about what felt good to him. Plus, Die was already close from how he’d been playing with Kyo; more than likely, it wasn’t going to be any kind of fiasco like last time.

Sure enough, Die was already moaning Kyo’s name, petting nervously at his hair. “Sh-shit, Kyo, that’s—god, exactly like tha-at—nn yes—!”

Kyo hollowed his cheeks, sucking hard, then eased up to start bobbing his head, taking a little more of Die’s cock each time. He greatly enjoyed the sounds of encouragement he got for his troubles, almost as much as he enjoyed the way that Die's length filled his mouth, heavy on his tongue. His hand moved to Die’s sac, gently rolling and squeezing, feeling the tightness of it.

He could almost sense the _coil_ of Die, the way he was pulled so taut he was seconds from snapping, and it felt like such a gift to be a part of it.

Especially when Die _whined_ and Kyo couldn’t help but moan in response.

“I’m—Kyo, where do you want—? I can’t—”

Die tried to push Kyo back, but that just meant his cum hit Kyo in the face, dripping down his cheek and lips, making him into as much of a mess as he felt.

Kyo was too shocked by the sudden end to move or comment.

“Oh…” Die pushed himself to sit up, combed Kyo’s hair back with his fingers. “God, you look… so fucking sexy.”

“That was…” Kyo didn’t quite have the words for how it had surpassed his filthy cock-sucking fantasies, or how he couldn’t wait to do it again.

“C’mere,” Die said, gently tugging Kyo up into his arms. He kissed him, licked Kyo’s lips and into his mouth, apparently eager for a taste of himself, and fumbled for tissues from the nightstand to clean the rest of Kyo’s face.

Kyo felt dazed and peaceful. After he’d spent so long wanting Die’s cock in his mouth he’d finally gotten to satisfy him that way. Something proud and happy sat warm in his chest.

Die meanwhile seemed unwilling to part from him by even a few centimeters, arms and legs hooked around him almost to the point of immobilizing him completely.

“You okay?” Kyo asked as it occurred to him that Die might be seeking some comfort Kyo should have thought to offer on his own.

Die nodded against his shoulder. “It was just. Intense.” He blinked up at Kyo in the low light creeping in through the curtains. “What about you? I wasn’t too—I’m sorry I came on your face like that, I didn’t mean—”

“I really didn’t mind,” Kyo said with a half-grin. “But maybe next time you can cum in my mouth.”

“You want that?”

“I love how you taste.”

Die groaned, pressed his forehead into Kyo’s shoulder. “You—C’mon, isn’t two times enough for one night, you tryin’ to work me up again?”

“I’m not,” Kyo said innocently. “I’m just telling you the truth, that next time I suck you off, I want to swallow every—”

Die shut him up by kissing him hard, his weight on top of him safe and familiar. The kiss went on until it had transformed into something sweet, soothing, and Kyo was melting right into the bed.

He sighed contentedly. “I love you.”

There was a pause, and Kyo was just wondering if he’d said something wrong, when Die’s face split into a grin.

“I love you, too!” he said, and kissed him again. “Shit, you make me so happy.”

Somehow it was still Kyo’s first instinct to argue, or reject Die’s happiness, and he had to bite it back. He couldn’t necessarily accept it at face value, yet, but it was something he wanted to work towards.

“Can we go back to sleep now?” Die asked. “I think I sleep better next to you. You bring me some good dreams.”

“Oh, is that what’s going on?” Kyo said. He cocked an eyebrow meaningfully at him.

Die was apparently not on the same page. “Going on where? What do you mean?”

“You were hard,” Kyo said bluntly. “Even before you woke up. I… couldn’t help but notice.” He swallowed. “Actually it’s not the first time, either. I’ve started wondering whether you’re just. Always hard when you sleep. Is that a thing for you?”

“I—Well, it’s just my body, I guess,” Die said, noticeably embarrassed. “But it’s. More likely to be like that, with you here. With us doing—ah, various things.” He pulled away from Kyo just slightly. “I’m sorry if it made you—uncomfortable.”

“It didn’t,” Kyo assured him quickly. “ _You_ didn’t. If anything—I just… It’s kind of difficult for me to be so close to you, and to feel you so—and to not be able to touch you.”

“Oh. Well…”

“I haven’t,” Kyo rushed to add. “I would never—you’re not awake to agree to anything like that, and I would never want to take advantage.”

“I know,” Die said. “And I appreciate that.” He paused, wet his lips. “Well, but, what if I wanted you to?”

Kyo didn’t want to make any assumptions about his meaning, so we waited for him to elaborate.

“Maybe I wouldn’t mind you touching me. Even if I was asleep, I can’t imagine not wanting your touch,” Die said quietly.

“‘Maybe’ really isn’t enough,” Kyo said. “You wouldn’t be—”

“I trust you,” Die said, cutting him off. “I know, in my sleep, I would be—vulnerable. At your mercy. But there’s not a doubt in my mind that you would take care of me, that you would make sure I’m always safe, that you would be honest and respectful…” His eyes were serious as they met Kyo’s. “If you want to touch me, next time, I’m fine with you doing it. I _want_ you to do it.” He dropped his gaze, laughed softly. “Actually, just thinking about it is getting me hard all over again.”

Kyo resisted the urge to reach down and feel for himself. “Really?”

“It doesn’t take much for you to turn me on,” Die admitted. “But the idea of being there, relaxed and subject to your whims, no control over what you felt like doing to me? Fuck, that’s hot.”

“You like that? The thought that I could do whatever I wanted to you and you wouldn’t even know?”

Die nodded. “You could just. Use me. I know you’d make me feel so good, without me even telling you how.”

The whole thing honestly had Kyo feeling a bit breathless himself. He’d never imagined that Die would _ask_ him to take control like that, and knowing it was something Die _wanted_ made Kyo all too eager for his next opportunity to try it.

“What do you think you’d do to me?” Die whispered, his hips rolling lazily against Kyo’s thigh.

It was almost too much to think about, but Kyo took a steadying breath, brought his hand up to rest with his fingertips along Die’s collarbone. “At first, I’d just touch you. Feel you, hard in my hand. Turns me on so much, how hard you get for me. I’d take my time just enjoying the feel of you, the wetness you’d leak onto my fingers.”

Die bit his lip, stifling a groan.

“Then I’d let my touch travel all over your body, your smooth skin, test how you could respond to me even in your sleep,” Kyo said. “And I’d be getting so fucking hot just from touching and feeling you, I’d have to take care of myself, too.” He stroked featherlight across Die’s clavicle, just the barest hint of a touch to keep him on-edge. “I’d look at you while I took myself in hand, at your perky little nipples or your hard cock, twitching with excitement for me. Maybe I’d pull your cheeks apart just to take a peek at your tight little hole.”

Die’s hand came up to clutch at Kyo’s wrist. “Jesus, Kyo…”

“And then I’d shoot my load right there on you while you slept, cover you in my mess and leave you like that,” Kyo said, his thumb tracing a line down from Die’s Adam’s apple. “So when you woke up the next morning all sticky, you’d just have to wonder what happened that got you so filthy.”

“Fuck, please,” Die said. He squeezed Kyo’s wrist. “You’ll really do it, won’t you?”

“I’ll have to wait until sometime when you’re not expecting it,” Kyo said. He was teasing, and it was all well and sexy to talk about, but he still needed to confirm. “Die, you’re serious about this, you want me to do things to you while you’re asleep?”

“Standing invitation,” Die said. “Anytime I don’t feel okay with that contact from you, I will say so upfront. I trust you, Kyo, more than I’ve ever trusted anyone. I know I’ll be in good hands if they’re yours.”

Kyo studied Die’s face a moment longer, just to be sure he really believed what he was saying, then nodded. “Thank you for trusting me.”

Die smiled. “Thanks for being trustworthy.”

“I think I might have to save some of this kinky stuff for another time, though,” Kyo said, a bit regretfully. “I can hardly keep my eyes open, and I wouldn’t want to miss a second of you letting me touch you so freely.”

“Anytime you want.” Die leaned in to kiss Kyo, soft and slow. “Go back to sleep. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Kyo smiled because he knew it was true, and it really did make it easier to fall asleep, knowing that Die would be there beside him the whole time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone hangin' in there? My area is not quarantined yet, but I figure it's only a matter of time. With everything going on, I'm tryin' to just keep writing and creating and living, and to not get bogged down by fear of a crumbling society, y'know? I hope everyone is managing okay. Sending love as always~  
> Anyway here's the smut for today

Kyo took more time with his new toys when he was alone. He’d loved having Die there when he first tried them out, but without the pressure of Die watching, he could experiment properly, find out just what he liked and how to get it.

The vibrator was probably his favorite. He’d never felt anything quite like that before, and it was so much better than he’d expected. He used it to help get himself off four nights in a row before he got to have an evening alone with Die again, and nerves or no nerves, Kyo knew he at least wanted to feel Die inside him, even if it was just his fingers again.

This may have been the reason he was so impatient as to crawl into Die’s lap before they’d even cleared the dinner table, kissing and biting at Die’s neck just because he knew how it worked him up.

However, Kyo couldn’t be the only one at fault when Die responded just as eagerly, his hands slipping up under Kyo’s shirt to squeeze and caress his chest whole Kyo’s tongue traces patterns over his pulse point.

“Kyo,” Die breathed, making no move to stop him at all. “God, I haven’t stopped thinking about you for even a minute, about _this_ …”

“Just this?” Kyo said, his lips still touching Die’s neck.

“About everything, about you. About the way you make me feel.”

It bordered on overly sweet and embarrassing, but Kyo couldn’t help how it made him smile.

“I wish I could see you more,” Die went on, his thumbs rubbing over Kyo’s nipples. “I’ve been wanting you so much…”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Kyo asked. “I’ve been wanting you, too.”

“I guess I wasn’t sure how open you were to hearing about that kind of thing. I’d be thinking of you with my hand around my cock, and I just didn’t know how you’d feel about my texting you in a moment like that.”

Kyo took a few seconds to imagine receiving that sort of text from Die; not the sweet “ _Good morning!_ ”s and cute selfies, but a needy confession of desperation, Die begging Kyo for help with his aching, hard dick. He had to take a deep breath to pull himself back together.

“I’m happy to hear from you at any time,” he said, in a voice far more collected than he really felt.

“I’ll try to remember that next time,” Die said.

Kyo sat back a little, all too aware of how Die’s hardness rubbed against him with the movement, and of Die’s hands still on his chest. “Out of curiosity,” he said, “Exactly what kind of things were you thinking about me in that sort of state?”

Die seemed amused by the question. “You really want more details, is that it?”

“Just trying to paint a full mental picture.”

"Well…” Die’s hands glided down Kyo’s sides to rest on his hips. “Sometimes I’d imagine you, kneeling in front of me, your mouth around my cock, your eyes on me… Or I’d think of you fucking yourself with one of your toys, letting me watch as you brought yourself closer and closer to the edge.”

“Mm, I’ve been doing that a lot lately,” Kyo said.

Die’s grip tightened on his hips. “And sometimes—I’d think…” He trailed off, biting his lip.

“Sometimes you’d think what?” Kyo prompted.

“It was just something I’d think about, just every once in a while,” Die said quietly. “I don’t mean we need to… I’d just think sometimes about being inside you.”

Kyo shivered. “Yeah? You want to…?”

“I can just imagine how perfect you’d feel. Tight around me, so _warm_ …” Die’s thumbs dug into Kyo’s hipbones. “I want to hear all the pretty noises you’ll make when I fuck you.”

A short whine came out of Kyo, and he might have been embarrassed by it had he had a single thought to spare for such things. As it was he could feel little besides aroused.

It was sort of funny, thinking about how unsure he’d been about this entire aspect of their sexual relationship, when he’d been going to town with his toys all week and the idea of Die penetrating him now had him so hard he was throbbing in his pants.

He didn’t expect it to be entirely perfect on their first go, but he was no longer on the fence about wanting it. He meant to convey this when he yanked Die forward and brought their mouths crashing together in a desperately reckless kiss.

He couldn’t stop kissing him once he started, not even to catch his breath. Everywhere Die touched him was simmering, but it wasn’t enough, he wasn’t close enough, and breaking away for a mere instant was out of the question.

Die seemed to be of like mind. He held Kyo close, ran his tongue over the points of Kyo’s teeth, moaned into his mouth. His hips rolled against Kyo’s, and it was so easy to imagine what it would be like to without all the clothing between them.

Kyo gripped Die’s shoulders as he rocked in his lap, let himself _really_ think about it, about sitting on Die’s hard cock just like this, feeling him pressing deep inside him, hearing the slick sound of their bodies moving together. He wanted that. He wanted to make Die come undone like that.

With graceless eagerness, he fumbled out of Die’s lap and got to his feet.

Die’s face was all betrayal and dismay as he looked up at him. “What’s wrong?”

Kyo shook his head, still trying to catch his breath. “Nothing. It’s just not enough. Can we…?” He glanced pointedly down the hall. 

“Oh!” Die scrambled to his feet as well, then grimaced at the dishes still on the kitchen table. “Um. Okay, just let me clean up and put away leftovers, and I’ll meet you in the bedroom?”

Kyo was a bit reluctant to walk away from Die when all he wanted was to keep touching him more and more, but he agreed and headed to Die’s bedroom to wait for him.

It was hard to know _how_ he ought to be waiting when Die came in. Should he just sit on the bed? Maybe it would be wise to get undressed? He didn’t want to get ahead of himself.

After some internal debate, Kyo got up and went to the bathroom, just to freshen up and brush his teeth. There was a toothbrush set aside for him on Die’s sink, and just seeing it there brought Kyo a little shimmer of joy.

Die appeared in the doorway with his sleeves pushed up and a soft smile on his face. “Hey,” he said.

Kyo smiled back as well as he could with a toothbrush in his mouth. “Hey.”

There was something happening, something sweet and domestic, and Kyo hardly knew how to act in such a situation. It felt like every evening could be just like this, the two of them relaxed and dressed down, perhaps taking turns cleaning up after dinner, then getting ready for bed together. It was a future that Kyo could imagine, that he _wanted_ to imagine.

Die sighed, adjusted his pants with a wry expression. “You know, sometimes you just make me really wet.” He shook his head and back off to the bedroom, leaving Kyo frozen with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, too stunned by Die’s words to even react.

It was rather like Die had just casually flicked a lit match at Kyo, already doused in gasoline from their making out at the dinner table. Such a simple revelation in Kyo’s current state left him more aroused than he knew what to do with.

Kyo had to shake his head to get the circuits running again, so he could spit in the sink and come back out to join Die in the bedroom.

Die was sitting calmly on the bed, looking at his phone, and Kyo wondered whether he realized the effect he had on Kyo, how immediately and absolutely he could turn him on, with no effort at all.

Kyo looked at him, let his gaze wander to Die’s lap, where he couldn’t make out any obvious erection, but it was hard to tell in the low light from the lamp by the bed.

Die set his phone aside, and smiled at Kyo, reaching for him. “What’re you doing hovering way over there?”

“Just… admiring you,” Kyo answered as he crossed to him. “I like just looking at you sometimes.”

“That’s so corny,” Die laughed, but it looked like he was blushing just a bit. He held Kyo’s hand, linked his fingers with his own. “Can I kiss you again?”

“You definitely don’t need to ask.”

And just like that, Kyo was back in his lap, feeling the warmth of Die pressed against him, his mouth firm but pliant against his own. Die’s words were still echoing in his head, that Kyo had made him _wet_ , that Die’s cock was leaking and ready just from Kyo kissing him and grinding in his lap.

Kyo was impatient to feel it, to know he was turning Die on again, even when he seemed to mask it so well most of the time.

“I want you,” Kyo breathed against Die’s lips, and ground down against him. “I’m… There’s nothing to distract us, I want…”

“I want you, too,” Die said. “Always want you.”

“Here I am,” Kyo said. “You can do whatever you want with me.”

It seemed for a moment like Die was going to argue, and that wouldn’t have surprised Kyo, given Die’s reputation for being overly careful when it came to doing things together, but the moment passed, and then Die was lifting Kyo, tossing him back down on the bed like he weighed nothing, and moving to get Kyo’s pants down in the same breath.

Kyo got his shirt off, lifted his hips to help with his pants, and tried to ignore the nervous flutter in his stomach that still accompanied the thought of being so vulnerable and exposed with Die. He trusted him unconditionally, but it was hard to put those nerves aside.

Maybe Die was specifically trying not to leave Kyo time to psych himself out, because he didn’t waste a second before spreading Kyo’s legs, starting to kiss a path up his inner thigh, moving all the time purposefully towards his goal.

Even recognizing the quick pace Die was setting, Kyo was startled when Die’s tongue flicked over the head of his dick, and his hips jerked.

“Want me to suck you off?” Die asked, his voice low. “Get you to cum for me before I get inside you?”

“Anything you want,” Kyo reminded him.

Die’s smile this time bordered on predatory. He sat up to get lube from a drawer, and bent back over Kyo, sucking just the tip of his cock into his mouth.

It was good, gave Kyo the feeling that he was experiencing some moment of pure happiness—but before he could really settle into that feeling, there was the now-familiar pressure of a slick finger at his entrance. 

His instinctive reaction was to tense up, but he let out a long breath, told himself to relax. Actually, the things Die’s mouth was doing did wonders to help with that, kept Kyo more or less pleasantly distracted as strong fingers worked their way inside to prepare him.

They were so close now, leading up to this event that they’d been putting off for so long. It didn’t seem like such a big deal now, of course. Floating in this place with his ass stuffed full and his cock engulfed in the heat of Die’s perfect mouth, Kyo couldn’t really remember why he’d been so nervous about Die fucking him to begin with.

There wasn’t any good reason to fear it; he saw that now, and it seemed silly to have waited this long, but he knew now that it was going to be so good.

Die knew what he was doing, and had much less difficulty finding Kyo’s prostate than Kyo had when he played with himself. Kyo gasped sharply at just the first brush of Die’s fingers over the spot, and from there Die scarcely let up on his attention to it.

Almost as an afterthought, Kyo realized he was going to cum. It wasn’t quite like any other orgasm he’d had, but he just became aware that he was already at his limits, and that any second now, he was going to overflow.

He pulled at Die’s long hair, trying to warn him, but it only made him redouble his efforts, and Kyo keened loudly as he couldn’t hold back any longer, and emptied himself into Die’s mouth.

Before he’d even fully come back to himself, Kyo found Die kissing him like he was starving for it, his hard, clothed cock brushing against Kyo’s thigh as he leaned over him.

“You were so perfect for me,” he murmured against Kyo’s lips. “So beautiful and good, fuck, I thought I’d cum just from having you in my mouth.”

“I know the feeling,” Kyo replied with a smirk. “But I know you have some other ideas of what you want to do to me, isn’t that right?”

“That’s right,” Die said. He pressed one more kiss to the corner of Kyo’s mouth before pushing himself up and retrieving the lube. He worked his own sleep pants off, threw them off the bed. “Do you need a break or anything?”

Kyo shook his head. “I feel good, and I want you.”

For all his enthusiasm, Die still took it slow as he worked his way inside Kyo, and Kyo couldn’t helped but feel impressed at his patience. He seemed absolutely calm, the slightest tremble in his muscles the only giveaway that he was expending effort.

Four separate times Kyo thought he was as full as he could be—only to have Die push in deeper. It wasn’t because he thought Die was _small_ exactly, but it seemed like so much, like he could feel him in every part of his body, like he was going to split open just from being filled.

When at last Die was fully seated within him, he paused, breathing heavily. “Jesus Christ, you feel amazing, so fucking tight around me, so—” He broke off into a moan as Kyo’s muscles clenched, and his head dropped forward, hair hiding his face.

Maybe Kyo enjoyed the praise more than he really should have, but he’d never had anyone inside him so deep like that, and the knowledge that it felt so good for Die was making him feel even fuller than he already was physically.

He wanted everything, and he wanted it from Die. Whatever he could get.

Slowly, Die pulled back, just barely enough to push back in, a short thrust, like he was testing it out. His eyelids fluttered and he repeated the motion, a gasp of Kyo’s name hovering on his lips.

He pulled out farther, slid home again, and just as Kyo was about to complain that he was ready to take more, Die gave up any pretense of taking things slow, and started fucking Kyo for real, like his hips were moving without his permission, giving it to Kyo like it was the greatest gift he had.

Kyo let out a moan at the thought of that, of Die _giving_ it to him, giving him just what he wanted.

His hands ran up over Die’s biceps, so much stronger than he usually bothered to notice, and he felt so lucky, so privileged to be there under him, basking in the gifts that Die was bestowing upon him, the steady, deep thrusts into his body lighting him up like a sparkler.

It was such a smooth glide, more than Kyo had really expected, given his own tightness and inexperience on this side of things. With how long it had taken Die to bottom out, Kyo had almost expected continuing difficulty or discomfort the entire time Die was inside him.

On the contrary, he seemed to piston in and out of him like a piece of some well-oiled machine, and Kyo had to attribute that in part to Die’s generous use of lube, but in part to what Die had revealed earlier, that Kyo made him _wet_.

It was perfectly evident now, the sound of Die’s cock sliding in and out of Kyo’s body impossibly loud and wet in the room. It was sort of appalling, really, how loud it was, the slick noises that accompanied every thrust.

Kyo meant to be properly disgusted by it, but somehow it only turned him on more, and he did what he could to meet Die’s movements, to angle his own hips in the best, most pleasurable manner possible.

“God,” Die sighed. “You’re incredible. I’ve wanted this for so long, wanted to feel you… And every time I’d think of you fucking yourself with your toys, just getting yourself ready for _me_ …”

“ _Yeah_.” Kyo’s head tipped back further. “I was, I—I’ve wanted this, too, thought about it so many times—”

“Yeah? You thought about it, being spread out beneath me, taking my cock?”

“Jesus, _yes_ , thought of you filling me up, making me feel so good.”

“That’s all I want, for you to feel good,” Die said. He pulled nearly all the way out, slow, and then slammed back in, hard. “How’s that? You like how I fuck you?”

Kyo nodded. He liked everything Die did, whether his movements were careful or frenzied; everything Die did was exactly what Kyo wanted.

Die’s arm hooked behind Kyo’s knee, holding him open, straining his muscles as he adjusted his own position for better leverage. He barely paused in his steady thrusts. “Gorgeous,” he said, looking down at where his cock still slid in and out of Kyo’s hole with ease, slippery and hot. “Can’t believe how well you take it.”

“Love how you give it to me,” Kyo said quietly. He couldn’t see exactly what Die was seeing, but it was honestly enough just to watch the awe and lust on Die’s face.

“You’re perfect,” Die growled, and lowered his head to bite at Kyo’s exposed neck. “So fucking—and I’ll give you everything. You deserve the world, and I’ll give you—this is all for you, it’s all yours.” His pace picked up, less a rhythm now and more just continuous waves of motion.

“Fuck, all mine,” Kyo repeated hazily. His hand drifted down from where it had found purchase on Die’s left shoulder to rest over his heart instead. “ _Mine_.”

He couldn’t say for certain that it was his words that pushed Die over the edge, but itdidn’t seem like too much of a reach, as Die made a punched-out sound and stilled, cumming buried deep inside of Kyo.

It wasn’t anything Kyo had ever felt before, the subtle twitch of Die inside him, the _warmth_ , especially as Die pulled slowly out, and his release leaked readily from Kyo’s hole. It was humiliating and gross and hot and strange, and Kyo was _very_ aware of how hard he still was.

He whimpered Die’s name, his hips shifting impatiently. He could feel Die’s cum dripping along the cleft of his ass and he was a hair’s breadth from bursting right there, untouched, like some out-of-control teenager.

Die was busy kissing messily along his neck and out to his shoulder. “You’re so amazing,” he mumbled. “Fuck, I love you so much.”

The words would have made Kyo preen happily if he hadn’t been currently in a state of sheer desperation. He guided Die’s hand to his cock without preamble, and even post-orgasm, Die was lucid enough to take the hint.

It was so much better than Kyo’s hand ever could have been. He was growing accustomed to the feel of Die touching him, and it was familiar in the best of ways, knowing and confident. Kyo fucked up into that strong, capable hand again and again, felt himself right on the cusp.

Then out of nowhere, Die’s other hand was between Kyo’s legs, two fingers dipping back into his stretched, dripping hole, and Kyo should have anticipated it, but he didn’t, and he nearly shrieked as he came so hard he saw stars, his body clamping down on Die’s fingers, his cock shooting ribbons of white up his own chest. Die went on stroking him through it, gentle but relentless, until Kyo was sobbing with relief and pleasure and oversensitivity.

Gradually, hands retreated from where they were touching Kyo, and he was being cleaning up with a surprisingly soft towel that Die had pulled up from somewhere or other. Kyo didn’t have the mind for details just then.

“You did so good,” Die told him, petting his hair. “You never stop being amazing.”

Kyo shook his head, smiling. “And you’re mine.”

Die took Kyo’s hand, laid it over his heart once more. “All of me.”

Really, it just filled Kyo with incredible warmth to hear him say that, like relaxing into a deep bath.

“In that case,” Kyo said, “you really don’t mind if I wake you up by sucking your cock sometime?”

Die groaned. “Goddammit, Kyo—you really—I already told you, you have— _every_ permission. Jesus.”

Kyo buried his face against Die’s chest, snickering.

“You just have to say things like that when I’m ready to fall asleep, huh?” Die went on complaining.

“Well, you know, it’s fun to see you flustered.”

Die’s eyebrows drew together so he could glare at Kyo, but his expression softened quickly. “I really love you.”

Kyo nodded. “I love you, too.”

They didn’t fall asleep right away, which was something of a surprise, considering how fucked-out and exhausted they were. Instead, they stayed up whispering together about different reptiles, and some nature program one of them had seen, and the benefits of being a snake. Kyo felt loose and giggly, and tomorrow he’d probably have to face some aches and pains, but he’d sure as hell sleep soundly before he had to think about that.


	7. Chapter 7

Kyo’s chance to act on waking Die up with a mouth around his dick didn’t actually come as soon as he might have hoped.

They were both busy with various projects and he was growing increasingly frustrated as, for the past month at least, time together had been difficult to come by.

Because of this, Kyo was happy to receive a less-than-sweet text from Die one evening as he was on his way home from a late dinner meeting.

**[Die]** : _Really wish you were here with me. Thinking of you._

At first glance, it was innocent enough, but something about it sent a thrill through Kyo. It wasn’t _quite_ like the messages he usually received, which probably meant it was the kind Die was more nervous about sending.

**[Kyo]:** _Oh? What kind of things are you thinking?_

Die didn’t respond right away, and Kyo busied himself with checking a few other things on his phone, scrolling through Twitter and Instagram notifications as he continued his journey home.

He was on his block and taken by surprise when Die finally replied.

**[Die]:** _Thinkin about bouncing you on my cock._

Kyo very nearly dropped his phone in the street, shocked as he was by the bluntness of Die’s words. He didn’t know what to say back to that. Like yeah, it was fuckin’ hot, but what could he contribute? “ _Sounds good, count me in_ ”?

Luckily he was saved from coming up with anything as Die texted him again. 

**[Die]:** _Are you alone rn?_

That was easier to answer.

**[Kyo]:** _Yes_

A moment later another message came in, this time with a short video file attached to it. Kyo had the sense to wait the few minutes until he was safely inside his apartment to try and open the video.

Whatever perverted thing he’d hoped for, it did not disappoint, the video showing Die shirtless and damp, in what Kyo recognized as Die’s shower. With a coy look at the camera, Die adjusted the angle to reveal his fully-naked body, complete with erect cock. He then took himself in hand, gave himself a few strokes, licked his lips, and—the video ended there.

The whole thing was just a matter of seconds, but Kyo was utterly hypnotized by it. He stared, replayed it, replayed it again, and was glad no one was around to call him out on how his mouth was watering.

He didn’t know what the best part was; the ease with which Die grasped his own cock? The aroused but teasing expression on his face? The droplets of water making his bare skin shimmer?

Or, perhaps, the warmth that flooded Kyo’s heart as he acknowledged the depth of Die’s _trust_ in him, that he was willing to share something so private, so delicate, with him, never doubting, never hesitating to put himself in Kyo’s hands. There was such love and loyalty and certainty in an action like that, that Kyo found himself choked up over a fifteen-second clip of his boyfriend jerking off.

He felt kind of bad for how long he was taking to respond. Surely, Die was awaiting his reaction, and all Kyo could do was watch the little video over and over, in awe of Die’s trust and his beauty.

He grew hard himself, watching it so many times. It wasn’t difficult to work him up, and Die had such a natural sexiness about him that Kyo was consistently weak to his every move.

Eventually he mustered up enough wits to send a very simple, honest message.

**[Kyo]:** _Damn, you’re so sexy._

Die replied right away, basically confirming Kyo’s theory that he’d been waiting for Kyo’s response.

**[Die]:** _Glad you think so. Still wish you were here tho._

Kyo settled on his bed, adjusted his cock as he tried to get comfortable.

**[Kyo]:** _Yeah? You still hard for me?_

**[Die]:** _Aching. You gonna help me with that?_

Kyo would do just about anything to help Die with such a difficulty. His eyes closed as he thought of taking Die in his hand, soothing his ache and his frustrations by bringing him satisfaction and release just by touching him, stroking him until he spilled right over Kyo’s fingers.

**[Kyo]:** _What do you need me to do?_

**[Die]:** _Help me out_

**[Kyo]:** _What, you don’t know how to jerk yourself off?_

**[Die]:** _’S’better when you do it…_

**[Die]:** _I keep jacking my cock, I’m leaking so damn much, so wet, but I want more_

**[Die]:** _Want you._

Kyo shivered, palmed his own cock. He wet his lips as he let himself picture it for a moment; Die desperately pumping his hard, leaking cock, chasing a release that he couldn’t find. He always made such a pretty picture, and Kyo was tempted to ask for photos, but he did already have a video, and it was easy enough or him to imagine on his own.

Trying to keep his focus on helping Die from afar, Kyo texted back one-handed.

**[Kyo]:** _I think I know what you need._

**[Kyo]:** _Do you have a toy handy?_

He was very fortunate to be able to bask in the blissful memories of having seen Die fuck himself with a toy, had seen just how much he enjoyed it. He was sure that would give Die that extra something he was missing.

Die’s next message was an image: an array of half a dozen sex toys laid out on his bed, a variety of shapes and sizes.

**[Die]:** _Tell me which one to use?_

Kyo took his time with the decision. Maybe it was cruel to keep Die waiting as he considered each option, but it was Die’s own fault for leaving it in Kyo’s hands.

In the end he settled on a dildo with so many bumps and ridges it would have looked less out of place on a dragon than a human being. Yet, despite its hot pink color and fantastic shape, there was an air of realism about it, and Kyo thought it must have been expensive.

He informed Die of his choice and waited to hear what Die’s next steps were.

The pause was so long Kyo wondered if it was deliberate payback, making him wait as Die had waited, but in time another text from Die arrived.

**[Die]:** _It’s in now. So fuckin full._

Kyo’s heart stuttered at the words as he thought of Die stuffed so full he was shaking.

**[Kyo]:** _Feel good?_

**[Die]:** _You picked one of my very favorite toys._

**[Die]:** _Makes me lose my mind a little._

**[Kyo]:** _I’d like to see that_

**[Die]:** _Anytime._

**[Die]:** _But I’d rather lose my mind on your cock._

Kyo had to take a minute at that, to figure out his breathing and calm himself down. Did Die really want to be fucked by him? Was that something he frequently thought about when he was alone? Obviously _Kyo_ had thought about it, but he’d gotten so distracted with the other side of things that it had sort of lost his mental priority.

Now, too, didn’t seem like the time to open up a whole discussion on the subject, so Kyo fought to get himself back on track.

He redirected Die.

**[Kyo]:** _Still touching yourself, too?_

**[Die]:** _How many hands do you think I have?_

Kyo snickered.

**[Kyo]:** _Clearly not enough._

**[Die]:** _Soundin’ dangerously close to a hidden tentacle fetish there_

**[Die]:** _But I want your hands on me instead._

Kyo really wished that himself. His recent schedule had been hard to deal with, and he was looking forward to his next actual day _off_ more than he could say.

It seemed though that it might be something they needed to accept, to expect. There would always be projects with demanding schedules, some prior commitment keeping them from sharing as much time as they would like, and they needed to be able to make it work, even with those obstacles.

**[Kyo]:** _That’s all you want on you? My hands?_

**[Die]:** _Fuck no. I want everything, your mouth, your hands, wanna rub my cock against your fucking abs._

**[Die]:** _Know you’d make me feel so good, like you always do._

Kyo moaned into his empty bedroom, slide one hand into his pants, rubbing over his length.

**[Die]:** _How much longer till I can have you again?_

Kyo threw a glance at the time displayed on his phone, chewed his lip as he did the math in his head. He was tempted to just invite Die over right then and there, but it wasn’t realistic. It was already late, and by the time Die made it over there it would be well past midnight. Kyo had an early shoot with the rest of the sukekiyo members, and there was just no way to make the timing work.

**[Kyo]:** _Friday. I have nothing definite planned the whole weekend, come stay with me._

**[Die]:** _I will, I’d love that—but I want you now._

Kyo hit the call button, desperate to hear Die’s voice, and he picked up after only one ring.

“ _Kyo_ , god, I’m so—”

“I know, it’s okay,” Kyo said. He still had one hand in his own pants. “You have me on speakerphone now?”

“Yeah.” Die’s voice sounded rough, his breathing ragged. There was indistinct movement audible in the background.

“And you’re stuffed full, like I told you to be?”

“Yes,” Die moaned. “So full—Wish—wish you could see.”

“So do I,” Kyo admitted. It was becoming clear to him that even if Die had been fantasizing about fucking Kyo when he first texted him, now that he had a toy inside him, what he wanted had changed, and Kyo wished more than anything that he could give it to him. “Just know you’d look so pretty with your asshole stretched around a thick cock.”

Die whimpered. “ _Yes…_ ”

“Love listening to you,” Kyo said. “I’ve got my hand around my own cock right now, too.”

“Tell me what you’re doing?”

“Just stroking myself,” Kyo said, closing his eyes. It was easy to envision Die there over him, warm and inviting. “Keeping my fist tight, fucking up into it, like… like it’s—”

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Die groaned, “like you’re fucking my _ass_.”

“Is that what you want?” Kyo asked breathlessly.

“You really have to ask whether I want your dick?”

He didn’t, really. Die hadn’t been subtle about where his mind was, but still, hearing him talk like that was affecting Kyo more than he’d anticipated and he started to stroke himself in earnest, his end approaching rapidly.

“I wanna fuck you,” Kyo said, unable to stop the words from coming out.

Die just whined in response.

“Wanna watch you take it.” Kyo could picture it so vividly, Die’s hair spilling around him as his head tipped back, as he fell apart so beautifully with Kyo inside him. “Wanna see how much you _love_ it.”

“Kyo, I’m—shit, I’m cumming—”

From his choked-off moan, Kyo would have been able to tell even without the warning, but he kind of liked hearing Die say it, hearing him _acknowledge_ the severity of Kyo’s power over him.

It was also enough to push Kyo over the edge after him, cursing as his release pulsed out over his hand.

Another moment passed before Die’s breathing on the other end of the phone settled. “You still there?”

“I’m here,” Kyo said. “At least mostly.”

Die laughed. “You’re… God, I miss you. I wish I could kiss you now. Friday seems so far away.”

“I know,” Kyo said, “But at the rate time has been passing, we’ll be together before we know it.”

They said goodnight and Kyo went to clean up and get ready for bed, pleasantly relaxed, but simultaneously aching with the pain of not being able to crawl into bed next to Die.

It wasn’t something he usually felt that concerned with, in relationships. Kyo had always been someone who valued his time alone very highly, and he’d occasionally run into trouble when past girlfriends had realized he wasn’t willing to prioritize them above everything else in his life.

Maybe it should have been obvious that his experience dating a bandmate would differ from that, and yet it wasn’t different in the way Kyo might feasibly have predicted.

It made sense that Die would have a better understanding than the average citizen of Kyo’s demanding schedule, that he would be able to respect the space Kyo needed to function creatively. What Kyo hadn’t expected was that he would want to see Die _more_. It had really never crossed his mind that his dating Die would be difficult because he couldn’t see Die _enough_.

That was ridiculous, wasn’t it? He saw Die all the time. They _worked_ together, they saw each other for meetings, rehearsals—they spent whole tours in uncomfortably close quarters. And yet, more than with any past partner, Kyo wished he could spend more time with Die.

It wasn’t as if the relationship were brand new, either. Even putting aside the decades of friendship before things had turned romantic between them, by this point, they’d already been dating for over half a year, and still Kyo hadn’t tried of the “going out”, the _closeness_. Rather than his feelings for Die calming and settling with time, he’d only come to crave Die’s presence _more_.

He’d had the thought that he was becoming painfully clingy, but the truth was it never felt that way. Die was always just as eager to see him, just as happy to waste away the hours in his company.

Despite their efforts to make time for each other, Kyo and Die would both always have said yes to _more_ time. Kyo would have been fine with falling asleep beside Die every night, waking up with him every morning, maximizing the time that he got to spend seeing Die’s gorgeous face.

And so it was that Kyo came to the dawning realization of what he truly wanted with Die: not just a relationship, but a future. A home. The fantasy he was entertaining was of him and Die living together.

That had to be out of the question. It wasn’t something they had ever discussed, and with how busy they were, the sort of lives they led, it just…

It just—made sense? Kyo meant to be talking himself out of such an awful and impossible idea, and instead he was becoming further convinced that living with Die was the next step, the right thing.

It was what he wanted.

The possibility was still very much there that it wasn’t what _Die_ wanted, and obviously it wasn’t the kind of thing Kyo could go deciding all on his own. But he could be the one to bring it up. He could ask Die to move in with him, to be there for Kyo to come home to, after long meetings, and every night. And he could offer to be the same for Die, in return.

Maybe Die would say no.

But as Kyo climbed into bed alone, he was keenly aware of the space beside him, empty, and wanting someone, wanting _Die_.

If it was what Kyo wanted, he knew he needed to be the one to talk to Die about it. He couldn’t wait for the subject to miraculously arise. Friday would be there before he knew it, so he had until then to get what he hoped to ask clear in his mind.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, we all officially have to stay at home now where I live. Maybe that means I have more time for writing? We'll see. At any rate, I'm accepting prompts (here and on tumblr, I'll post something there, too) so if there's anything you wanna read about to help get you through the quarantine, drop me a line and I'll (probably) put it on my list <3

Unfortunately, Kyo was a coward.

Die arrived on Friday and they fell into each other, touching, kissing, and just _talking_ , and Kyo’s intentions to discuss cohabitation all got stuck in his throat. He was too chicken to be the one to bring it up, ashamed though he was to admit that.

But why fuck up a perfectly good thing? Die had just gotten there, and broaching such a serious topic at the beginning of a weekend they could finally spend together would have surely been unwise.

Instead he just enjoyed his time with Die, sitting perhaps closer than was strictly necessary, even the second evening, when they took to independently checking their email on their own phones, together and not together.

“Oh, hmm,” Kyo said to himself, finding an attached file from one of his sukekiyo bandmates.

Die made an inquisitive noise.

“Um, nothing,” Kyo said. He usually felt like it was somehow inappropriate to talk about his other projects with his Dir en grey bandmates. Wasn’t it kind of rude, like he was being exclusive, rubbing it in their faces that he had something else going on? Then again, it was Die, and he would never judge him, and Kyo was sort of excited, so he shifted on the bed where they were cuddling. “Or, actually, I just checked, and—I opened this email that I’d thought would be some updated tracks for sukekiyo, and instead it looks like Mika sent me what seems to be a totally new song. I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Oh, cool,” Die said. “You haven’t listened to it yet?”

“Not yet. It’s fine, I can hear it later.”

To his surprise, Die turned, kissed the top of his head, and pushed himself up from the bed. “Why don’t you listen to it now? I was thinking about going to take a shower anyway.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

Die smiled. “The red towel in there is good for me to use, yeah?” he asked, already heading towards the bathroom, and Kyo felt such a rush of affection for him that he hardly knew how to contain it.

This proved it, as far as Kyo was concerned. Even if they lived together, they had no difficulty giving one another the space necessary to do their work, and Kyo was just wasting time not asking Die to move in that very minute.

But he listened to the audio file he’d been sent, recorded some vocal ideas on his phone and sent them back, and by the time Die came out of the shower with his hair all damp and a red towel around his slim hips, Kyo was ready to give him his undivided attention.

“Good shower?” he asked, setting his phone aside.

Die was smiling again as he sauntered towards the bed. “Only thing that could have been improved was the company, but being able to come out and find you here pretty much makes up for that.”

Kyo wasn’t sure that simple comment should have made his heart skip a beat the way it did. But then maybe that also had something to do with the way Die’s fingers were tripping along the top edge of his towel.

“I don’t want to interrupt, though, if you still have some work to do,” Die said, looking at Kyo through his lashes. “I can come back later.”

Kyo shook his head almost frantically. “I’m not busy at all right now.”

Looking pleased, Die dropped the towel onto the floor, and crossed the rest of the way to the bed blessedly nude, a few water droplets still clinging here and there to his smooth skin.

Kyo could never tire of watching him looking like that, and found himself staring, rather than getting into some more accommodating position than sitting with his back against the bed's headboard. It didn’t matter because in the end Die just settled himself right over Kyo’s lap, his half-hard cock hanging between them.

They kissed so easily, something they’d done countless times already, would do countless times more in the future, and yet Kyo still felt that rhapsodic affection, like his heart would burst from the sheer joy he felt at having Die on top of him.

Could Die feel it? Not necessarily in some spiritual sense, but perhaps in the rapidity of Kyo’s heartbeat, in the near-desperate way Kyo’s fingers dug into his shoulder or his hip.

If he felt it, he didn’t seem put off by it in the least. He went on kissing Kyo like it came as naturally to him as breath, as _music_ ; kissed Kyo like it _was_ music, this beautiful, terrible thing they could make only together.

“I’m not trying to be forward,” Die said, which was plainly ludicrous with how he was naked in Kyo’s lap, “and I really want to be clear that you can tell me no…”

Kyo waited patiently for him to get through all the preamble. He did appreciate that, even if he wasn’t direct, Die had come to be more willing to ask for what he wanted than when they’d started out. Somewhere he’d finally had to learn that Kyo really wanted all this just as much as he did.

“But, if you’re interested,” Die said, his gaze wandering off past Kyo’s right shoulder, “I did, well… in the shower…”

Kyo raised an eyebrow, but rather than explain further, Die just took Kyo’s hand from his hip, led it back until his fingers were sliding along the cleft of Die’s ass.

No more needed to be said; two of Kyo’s fingers could slip past Die’s entrance without difficulty, and Kyo fought back a moan at what was being offered so freely to him. He was struck with the sudden need to fuck Die better than he’d ever been fucked in his life.

“Shit, you got yourself all ready for me?” he said breathlessly, letting his fingers tug at his rim a little longer.

“Just in case,” Die said. His shoulders had tensed, his eyes closed, but he was just going to keep letting Kyo do as he pleased, clearly. “Wanted to be—easy for you, so you could just—slide right in.”

“Mm, can’t believe how good you are for me,” Kyo said, nuzzling into Die’s neck.

“I always wanna be s-so good for you…”

Kyo didn’t know if he’d ever heard Die sound so wrecked, so needy, and it was making his blood boil. The closest was when they’d been on the phone; Kyo could recall all his shameless panting and throaty moans, and his cock throbbed with the memory.

“Shh, you are,” he said softly. “You’re always good.” Three fingers now pushed back into Die’s hole, just a little deeper than before. “That’s why I’m gonna give you my cock just like you want, does that sound good?”

Die just made some incoherent sound, another of the ones that got Kyo’s breath caught in his chest. It was so rare, so special, to see Die completely giving up control this way; not cocky and sure of himself, but helpless and submissive. Kyo was the only person who got to see him coming totally unraveled, and it was hard to process how he could have gotten so lucky.

“Tell me,” Kyo said, before he could really think of the words his mouth was forming. “Tell me how you’ve thought of taking my cock.”

Die shivered and rocked unexpectedly back on Kyo’s hand, driving his fingers further inside, angling them towards where he wanted them. “Fuck, I’ve thought of it so many times, whenever I fuck myself, I just think how big and _thick_ you are, how you’ll split me open, fuck any thoughts right out of my head and just make me cum until I can’t take anymore.”

Kyo huffed out a laugh. Those were some pretty high expectations. “When did you get to be such a greedy little thing?” he wondered.

Die replied by muttering something vaguely under his breath, which Kyo slowly realized was just _begging_ , “ _Please_ ,” over and over, “ _please fuck me_.”

Kyo couldn’t have denied him if he’d wanted to.

Die really made it very easy for him. He pulled Kyo’s pants down enough to take out his cock, which was already hard just from everything so far, and had it slicked up with lube before Kyo had even thought that far ahead.

Only a moment later, Die was holding Kyo in place, lowering himself down onto his cock with his lip caught between his teeth and his brows drawn together.

It was unreal, an entirely new sensation, which was perhaps strange, since this was the side of things Kyo was pretty damn familiar with. Die, though… _Die_ was _more_. Just the fact that he could be _inside_ Die like this, that Die could want it so much his whole body was trembling, made it so much more intense. That shortness in Die’s breath was caused by _Kyo_ , as was the flush down his chest, and it all only seemed to feed Kyo’s desire for more.

Still, he let Die control the pace of things for the time being, content to gaze adoringly at Die’s face as he got settled with Kyo’s dick fully inside him.

He was the most beautiful thing Kyo had ever seen, and he knew that didn’t matter, didn’t matter to _Die_ , certainly, but Kyo voiced his observation nevertheless, since there were basically no other thoughts competing on the path to his mouth.

And maybe it wasn’t worth much to Die, but he still spared Kyo a smile, his hips swiveling in tantalizing not-quite-circles.

“How does it feel?” Kyo asked, watching Die as if he were an unpredictable approaching danger from which he couldn't look away.

Die made a hoarse attempt at a laugh. “Didn’t even realize how much I needed this, and then I—once I started thinking about it I couldn’t stop. You feel so fucking… Like I’m being stretched, pulled open, I can feel you so deep…” He lifted up just a few centimeters and brought himself back down with a harsh groan.

It really felt that way for Kyo, too, like he was just disappearing into Die’s body in the most deliciously incredible way. He couldn’t say just at the moment which end of things he _preferred_ to be on, but goodness, he was glad that Die seemed happy to switch, because holy shit.

“Can you feel it?” Die asked, sounding almost dazed. “Can you feel how I open up for you?”

“I can feel all of you,” Kyo promised.

That was apparently not enough of the answer that Die wanted, because he took one of Kyo’s hands from his hip again, and guided it back beneath himself.

“ _Feel_ ,” he instructed, still riding Kyo with unerring fluidity.

Kyo’s fingers traced around the base of his own cock, slick with lube, and hot to the touch, sensitive. As Die’s body came down to meet him, Kyo could feel exactly what Die meant: the stretch of his rim, his body opened up, crammed so full of Kyo’s cock that there wasn’t room for anything else.

Kyo moaned as he felt it, the way the muscle contracted, clenched around his length even more tightly. The very idea had him wanting to try more, to push Die to his limits, hear him crying, _begging_ , for Kyo to fit another finger in alongside his cock. How much could Die take? One more finger? Two, three? At what point would he start shaking, _sweating_ , like a regular human being?

The image of Die stuffed so fucking full he couldn’t move or speak had Kyo’s cock throbbing inside the tight heat of Die’s body, and Kyo cursed under his breath, squeezing around the base of his dick just to keep from losing it.

“You like it?” Die asked, and the smirk on his face showed he knew exactly what he was doing. He looped his arms around Kyo’s neck, lifted himself up on his knees, and sank down again, grinding slow and dirty against Kyo’s lap. Leaning in so they were sharing the same air, he whispered, “I’ve wanted your cock inside me ever since the first time I saw it, and so far I am not disappointed.”

Kyo kissed Die because he couldn’t help it when he was so close. “You really wanted this that long?” he said as Die rose up on his knees once more. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Die looked off to the side, his smile turning nearly sheepish. “Because it wasn’t the _only_ thing I wanted. I mean, I want _everything_ with you. I want to ride you, and fuck you, and eat your ass… I wanna do filthy things with you that I haven’t even thought of yet. But I figure we’ll get to it all in time, so I don’t need to rush you along with my demands.”

Despite the blatant dirtiness of Die’s explanation, Kyo was moved by the romanticism of it as well. Maybe he was fucked up for thinking Die’s wanting to eat his ass was _romantic_ , but all in all, it spoke of something deeper; a commitment, a longing to share and explore, and it spoke to Kyo, spoke to that secret part hidden away in his heart, desperate to ask Die big, life-changing questions.

It wasn’t the time. He couldn’t let his mind go there when Die was on top of him in such a state of desperation, so he threw his concentration into giving Die the best dicking of his life.

Shifting his position on the bed for greater leverage, Kyo gripped Die hard by the hips, and thrust up into him with enough force to knock the air out of his lungs.

Die threw his head back, cried out, but he showed zero interest in stopping Kyo or slowing him down. His mouth hung open as he braced his hands on Kyo’s chest and bounced on his cock.

The sound of it was so obscene that Kyo felt sure it would haunt his dreams, and Die’s neglected dick was bobbing, hard and dark and dripping down onto him, but Kyo was too occupied with fucking up into Die’s body like his life depended on it to reach for him.

Still the slick, slapping sounds continued, almost distracting in their steadiness, but Kyo maintained his focus, kept his eyes on Die in front of him. He briefly lamented not having Die turned around the other way so he could properly watch how he was impaled on Kyo’s cock again and again, how it pounded into him, how his body sucked it in.

“Fuck, look at you,” Kyo groaned, eyes roaming over Die’s whole disheveled form. “What a perfect little cockslut you are… Who’d have thought?”

“Oh my _god_ ,” Die said through gritted teeth. “Fu— _Kyo_ , please—please touch me!” 

His fingers were digging into Kyo’s chest through his shirt, and the whole air of feral desperation was a seriously good look on him. Kyo rushed to comply.

Die’s cock was comfortable in Kyo’s hand, hot and slick, and it took very little to have Die arching and keening, his body clenching down around Kyo’s length as he came between them.

He was so beautiful, so lost and unwound that Kyo could have seen himself cumming just from watching Die find his end, but with the sensation on top of that, he really didn’t stand a chance, and he was emptying himself deep inside Die before he could think of stopping it from happening.

Fuck, he’d just cum inside Die. He hadn’t even asked if he could, he’d just _done_ it, and was that—Jesus, it had felt. _Amazing_.

Still, he scrambled to apologize as he pulled out. “I’m—shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

He felt the rush of spunk that flowed out of Die’s used hole as soon as his cock was out of the way, and was entranced by how Die gasped and tensed as he felt it, too.

With a quiet whimper, Die moved off Kyo’s lap and sprawled out on the bed beside him, fairly glowing with fucked-out glory. Kyo couldn’t look away from him.

“Are you—How are you feeling?” he asked, pushing a few strands of Die’s damp hair back from his face.

“Really. Really good,” Die said, smiling. His eyes were closed, but he still reached clumsily for Kyo’s face, traced his thumb over his lips. “You fucked me really good.”

Kyo knew Die could feel his answering smile. “Good.”

“Probably gonna be fucking sore tomorrow, but we don’t have anywhere important to go, right?”

Tomorrow was Sunday, and while Kyo had toyed with the idea of them walking around the nearby park, maybe taking some photos by the duck pond, it wasn’t anything he felt strongly about. “Nowhere whatsoever.” He could be perfectly happy spending the whole day at home with Die, ordering food to be delivered and lazing around in bed.

He could be happy spending a lot of days that way.

Kyo got up from the bed before he could get too bogged down with those increasingly-familiar thoughts, and headed for the bathroom to clean up, promising Die he’d be back momentarily.

The truth, though, was that he took his time. Kyo took longer than he needed to rinse himself off and to get a washcloth for Die, because he couldn’t understand his own mind.

What was this? Why was he so out of control? He’d finally had the chance to fuck Die, it had been incredible, and all he could think about was some domestic fantasy for the future? What was his problem?

There shouldn’t have been any connection between those things, and he was sure if he tried to spring the subject on Die with such nonexistent context, Die would only feel cornered and weirded out. He never wanted to make Die feel that way.

When Kyo came back into the bedroom, Die was already half asleep, one hand curled angelically up by his head, the other resting on his belly. Loath though he was to disturb him, Kyo carefully got him all cleaned up, then took a minute to just gaze at him fondly. Where had he gone right to deserve someone so good? At what point would his luck run out and take Die with it?

After leaving the washcloth in the laundry, Kyo moved to charge his phone and found he had one new text message. He frowned at the screen as he swiped it open.

**[Die]:** _Goodnight, sweetheart. Dream well with me right beside you_.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning/spoilers: this is the chapter with the somnophilia. It is something they discussed previously, as you may recall, but if that might cause you discomfort, please be warned. You could skip the first half of the chapter and come back in umm around, "Love you so much," if you just want to see the aftermath, where everyone is awake.
> 
> Other than that please enjoy~

It wasn’t difficult for Kyo to fall asleep. In spite of the incessant swirling of thoughts in his overly-full brain, he had no trouble drifting off, safe beside Die, love practically emanating in waves from his sleeping form.

However, even in that safety and comfort it was a rare thing for Kyo to sleep right through the night, and he woke again before it had started to get light out.

He smiled into the darkness as he registered that Die was still there next to him, breathing slow and steady as he dreamed. Kyo was so impossibly lucky to be there with him in a moment like this.

Shifting some blankets and limbs around, Kyo rolled over and wrapped his arm tightly around Die—

And gasped as he made contact with Die’s hard-on. It was once again especially obvious with how they were both entirely naked, and arousal surged up inside Kyo at the flood of memories of Die _wanting_ Kyo to do something about it when he found him in such a state.

The more Kyo thought about it the harder his own cock grew. Die wanted it; he _trusted_ Kyo to take care of him when he was vulnerable and unable to help himself.

It still made him nervous, that he could do something Die didn’t want, cross some boundary, and Die wouldn’t be able to speak up for himself and say no. Wouldn’t he be taking advantage?

But he remembered how excited Die had been just from them talking about it, how he’d said that Kyo had a standing invitation to use him as he liked while he slept, and the certainty of that trust was something Kyo wanted to earn.

He pushed himself to sit up, gazed at the relaxed lines of Die’s body, planning his path; then started by slowly running his hands over Die’s bare skin, careful not to let his touch be too ticklish. He just smoothed his palm down his chest, across his ribcage and down his abdomen. There he traced his fingers through the trail of hair leading to Die’s cock, a bit more lightly, and sure enough, the instant he brushed against the base, Die inhaled sharply, twitching in his sleep.

Kyo froze. He wouldn’t have minded Die waking up and becoming something of a more active participant, but it would be pretty anticlimactic for him to wake up before Kyo even had a chance to do anything.

Once he was satisfied that Die had relaxed, sound asleep as before, Kyo gingerly peeled back the covers to give himself better access to Die’s body.

He was so lovely like this (and all the time), in the dimmest of lights that made it through Kyo’s curtains from the city. He looked ethereal and otherworldly, soft and sharp all at once, and so utterly peaceful that it seemed almost wrong to disturb him.

Almost.

Kyo bent to kiss Die’s chest, lightly, always taking care not to wake him. He sucked a mark below his collarbone, where he was relatively sure it wouldn’t show when Die was wearing a shirt. Bruises and lovebites weren’t something Kyo usually went for, but it seemed appropriate, just for the sake of leaving a mark for Die to find when he woke. He only teased Die’s nipples very briefly before continuing his journey southward, flicking his tongue over Die’s bellybutton and nipping at his hipbone.

Through it all, Die slept. He made a few questioning little noises, and his hips wiggled here and there, but he didn’t wake, even when Kyo finally dragged his tongue up the length of his hard cock.

Die’s erection, which had moved Kyo to start all this, hadn’t subsided in the least, and as Kyo scooted down to mouth at Die’s balls, a drop of pre-cum started pearling at the tip of his cock.

Kyo was growing more and more excited as he positioned himself between Die’s legs. Once again it was the depth of Die’s trust that really got to him. Even having participated in some pretty kinky things in the past (bondage, sensory deprivation, the occasional pain play), no partner had ever given themself over to him so completely, so wholeheartedly. Kyo was determined to make sure Die never regretted it. He would bring him pleasure without even being told how, and he would make sure Die got exactly what he needed.

In this case, he thought that ought to start with lapping up the pre-cum rolling down the length of Die’s beautiful dick, and suckling at the head to get more of the flavor.

Die gasped then, but still didn’t wake, and Kyo smiled as much as he could with his mouth full. He hoped Die was enjoying his dream.

It was slow, painstaking work, and Kyo wouldn’t have traded a second of it. He got to live out his fantasy of sucking Die off for all he was worth; swirled his tongue around the head, memorized the path of each vein, basked in the _taste_ of his lover. The weight of him in his mouth was so welcome and the unconscious twitches of Die’s cock against his tongue had Kyo fighting back whimpers of pure arousal.

His own cock was leaking onto the sheets between his legs, and as he wrapped one hand around it for some relief, he thought how good it would feel to cum with Die in his mouth. Would he even need to touch himself or would he be able to get off just from the sheer eroticism of what he was doing?

Taking his hand back off himself, Kyo shouldered Die’s legs a little wider apart, and moved his attentions lower, sucking at each of Die’s balls before traveling even lower than that, and flicking his tongue across Die’s taint.

A much higher-pitched sound came out of Die, and Kyo was plainly shocked that he could still be asleep, but Die only briefly squirmed and keened, and showed no sign of actual consciousness, even as Kyo’s nose pressed against his sac so he could more easily lick and suck at the sensitive area just behind.

It was wet and messy, saliva coating Die’s taint and dripping down to his hole, which was still a little pink and stretched from its use before they’d gone to bed. As Kyo lifted his head to get his lips once more properly around Die’s cock, he let his hand reach back so two fingers could slide through the mess and right past Die’s entrance.

That was what finally did it, and with a loud moan, Die’s hips bucked off the bed.

“Oh-h—Wh—Kyo, wha— _Oh_ , my—oh, fuck, oh _fuck_ , you’re…” Die’s sleep-hoarse voice broke off into a whine.

Kyo pulled off only to smile up at him through the dark. “Morning, sweetheart.”

“You’re really doing it,” Die said, writhing as Kyo’s fingers crooked inside him. “Y-you’re really—how long?”

“Hmm, I wasn’t keeping track of time,” Kyo admitted. “But I’ve been sucking you off for a while. You didn’t wake up at all until I got a couple fingers in you.” He scissored said fingers for emphasis. “You know, my cum is still in here. You’re a mess.”

Die’s hands were gripping the pillow he lay on. “Sh-shit, I’m gonna cum, please, please put your fucking mouth back on me.”

“That doesn’t seem like a very nice way to ask.”

Pouting up at him, Kyo realized that in no time at all, Die had gone from sleeping peacefully to more broken than Kyo had ever seen him. His mouth was open, panting, and even in the dim light, Kyo could see the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“I— _can’t_ ,” Die whimpered. “I said p-please, Kyo, I need you to—I _need—_!”

Much as Kyo would have loved to watch him shivering and begging till the sun came up, he wasn’t as sadistic as all that, and he couldn’t wait to see Die lose it completely, let go of whatever fine strands he was still clinging to and make a proper mess of himself.

He took Die back into his mouth, working his tongue along the underside as he sucked, and his fingers still worked deep inside him, stroking over Die’s prostate until he shouted, seized up, and Kyo’s mouth was flooded with the salty, overwhelming taste of him. It wasn’t quite a surprise, but there was still enough that it was hard to swallow, and Kyo was dimly aware of the cum dribbling down his lips and chin even as he struggled not to choke.

Die was a boneless ragdoll by the time he came down from his orgasm, and lay there so motionless that Kyo almost thought he’d fallen back asleep.

Placing a few kisses as he went, on thighs, hips, and the like, Kyo made his way back up Die’s body until he could nuzzle into the crook of his neck. 

“Love you so much,” he mumbled.

“Mmm, love you, too,” Die said, and Kyo could hear his smile without even looking. “Wouldn’t mind getting woken up this way a lot more often.”

“You could, you know.”

The words had left Kyo’s mouth before he’d had a chance to temper them, and he tensed up as they hung in the air, and Die seemed to stop breathing.

It had to be a hundred years before Die said softly, “What do you mean?”

This was absolutely the wrong time for this conversation. They were both naked, Die had just woken up to having his dick sucked, and Kyo was still hard, and the atmosphere was nothing like Kyo had planned it.

Exactly what time would be better?

“I’ve been thinking,” Kyo said, forcing himself up to where he could see Die’s face. “What if—Would you want to move in together?”

Die’s expression remained diligently neutral. “Are you serious?”

“I don’t mean that you’d have to move in _here_ , if—We could find a new place, together,” Kyo said. “But I can’t stop thinking about it, about falling asleep next to you, waking up with you, coming home together after a tour… I want to be with you. To live with you.”

Die was kissing him before Kyo could prepare for it, almost before he’d finished talking. It was the kind of kiss that Kyo felt in his heart more than anywhere else, bordering on painful in its depth and intensity. It said so much, _meant_ so much, and Kyo could only hope Die could feel everything returned as Kyo clung to him, and kissed him with everything he usually kept inside.

Breathless, Kyo spoke against Die’s mouth, “That’s a yes…?”

“Of course, you fucking…” Die trailed off, kissing him again. Then, “Fuck me.”

Kyo huffed out a laugh. “I know, I didn’t think I’d—”

“No, _fuck_ me,” Die repeated. “I love you, and I’m—so fucking excited to live with you, and I just want you inside me, now.”

Through his shock, the words still shot to Kyo’s still half-hard dick. “But—you just—Now?”

Die nodded emphatically. “You’re too far away.”

Kyo wasn’t about to object to such a suggestion. He found the lube from the night before, tangled in the sheets, and slicked himself up. Settling between Die’s legs, he was pressing slowly into him, shuddering at the give of his body only a minute later.

Die was tight, but open enough from Kyo’s fingers in him earlier, and the first slide home was slow, but not difficult.

It seemed unnecessary, maybe redundant for Kyo to harp on how incredible Die felt, but that didn’t stop the words from bubbling out of him, low and sincere.

Die didn’t say anything much in response. His hair was spread over the pillows, his long throat exposed, his skin still flushed from his recent orgasm, and with the dawn breaking, the color was easier to make out. He was a work of art.

Once his hips were square against Die’s body, Kyo paused, breathed. He could have said it was to give Die time to adjust to the stretch, but it was just as much for him, just to savor the feeling of Die all around him.

It was strange to think he’d been in him like this before, only less than twelve hours ago, that Die had come apart riding his cock, possibly the most gorgeous thing Kyo had ever seen, desperate and unhinged.

It wasn’t like that now.

Die’s body still gripped him in the best way imaginable, and it was so intense it took Kyo’s breath away, but there was nothing rushed or frantic about it. They had time, and had each other, could spend the whole of Sunday morning lazy in bed, fucking and sleeping and fucking again, if they so chose. There were countless mornings ahead of them promising the same.

Plus, there was some bizarre, weighty sort of _joy_ coursing through Kyo now, that he felt driving his every slow, purposeful thrust into the tight heat of Die under him. Die wanted this as much as he did, wanted to be with him in their quiet shared moments, wanted to put up with him. They were really partners.

More than he’d ever thought of it that way before, Kyo felt like he was _expressing_ something as he made love to Die. He was sharing his every feeling with him—pain and sorrow and excitement and undiluted affection. He relied on words for so much, but for once he felt like he could tell Die everything just with touches and movements, and slow, lingering kisses.

It wasn’t one-sided, either. Kyo could hear every single thing Die was communicating to him with how he rolled his hips in perfect rhythm with Kyo’s thrusts. His strong arms wrapped around Kyo’s shoulders, kept him close and protected, and as always, he displayed that unwavering trust, that faith in Kyo that meant more to him than just about anything else could.

Neither of them tried to hurry the other along; Kyo didn’t even feel like he was aiming for an end as much as he was reveling in the pleasure of being with Die this way, celebrating their togetherness in the closest, deepest way he knew.

When his orgasm did approach, it wasn’t sudden or crashing; it was like being steadily submerged in something that stole the air from his lungs, pushed incredible relief from his center out to his extremities, and shook him from within. He buried his face again in the crook of Die’s neck, and stifled a sob borne of too many overpowering emotions all at once.

Still, Die remained patient, petting soothingly over Kyo’s back as he came down.

“That was so good,” he murmured. “Kyo, that was—you’re... You take such good care of me.”

If he hadn’t been completely mindless from his orgasm, Kyo might have mustered the energy to argue, since it was plain that Die was really the one taking care of _him_ , and there was surely more for Die that Kyo should have been doing. 

But he wanted it to be true, wanted Die to know that he was dedicated to _making_ it true.

“I always will,” Kyo promised. “As much as I can, I want to take care of you for all time.”

Die was smiling as he kissed him, and kissed him, and kissed him.

It wasn’t new anymore. Kyo couldn’t claim to be surprised by any of it, even by the comfort he found, lying there in Die’s arms, or the happiness he felt, knowing they had the whole day to spend together.

Before starting this relationship, Kyo couldn’t have known what to expect, how deep it would become, the ways in which it would change him, but he wouldn’t trade a single terrifying, exhilarating, simple moment of it, and the secure monotony of waking up to a good morning text—or better yet, a good morning kiss from Die, there in bed beside him—was something he was more than willing to get used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for making it through this one with me! It was just... a lot of smut, haha, significantly less plot than I usually go for in my multi-chapters, but I appreciate those of you who stuck with it!  
> Something new should be coming by the end of the week xoxo


End file.
